ace that

The circle of Life

2011-03-29T18:02:00.002-06:00

My faithful followers, I find that it's the time of life when I need a fresh start, so I'm officially retiring this blog. But not from providing you with sporadic doses of random. You can continue to follow my exploits at my very own website!

www.gregdbarnett.com

See you there!

The future

2011-03-22T16:16:00.000-06:00

I want to do the literacy end of this:

Maybe they could replace YPP with this...

Type-casting

2011-03-19T21:52:00.003-06:00

So here's the thing about acting in LA. It's different from acting...well anywhere else really. Back home in the SLC I feel like I could be a little more broad in what I was cast in, but out here you kind of have to be fairly specific about how you market yourself - at least in the beginning. So, I'm attempting to really hone in on what I have to bring to the table. To that end, for the four of you who will read this, please post in the comments, or send me an email an tell me about me. What kind of energy do you think I have? What kinds of roles do you think I'd be good for? Which celebrities/movie characters do I remind you of? How would you describe me?

Documenting

2011-03-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

So, here's the skinny.

I have a friend from college who lives out here in the LA area, and a mutual friend of ours came out for a weekend visit/audition. We watched a documentary called "Catfish" (which I highly recommend, BTW), and decided it might be fun to make our own little documentary. So here's what were doing. We're going to film our lives as actors and let all of you in on the actor's journey. The good, the bad, the ugly. Everything from auditions and classes, to hob-nobbing on the red carpet - should that occur. Be excited.

Here's my first video. Enjoy.

Project!

2011-03-01T17:38:00.000-07:00

This is a new project I'm working on. Tell everyone.

Updatopia

2011-02-21T17:42:00.003-07:00

As sometimes happens things have kind of plateaued for me out here in the L of the A, but I thought it time for a brief update nonetheless.

Living:

Things with Nance are swell. She's good about letting me maintain my independence and I do my best to keep flammable things off the stove. She also made me sing for the missionaries the other day which ended up being a fairly awkward 3 or so minutes.

Work:

Still going to workshops and meeting people. Still going to class and I feel like I'm improving myself. My agent tells me that he's submitting to things, but as of yet, no auditions. I registered with the casting company that does background artist (i.e. extras) casting for GLEE and hope to be in an episode at some point.

My agnet is what they call a "theatrical" agent. That means he submits me for jobs on TV shows or feature films. The agency has a commercial side (for print and TV ads) for which one has to audition regardless of one's status with other parts of the agency. So I auditioned a couple of weeks ago and had a callback. Now I'm just waiting...

Life:

Phineas is still great. Though a couple of weeks ago someone moved him from the street to the sidewalk - which I don't necessarily mind - except that they broke one of his brake levers. Luckily there are two. It will cost close to $100 to fix it, so until I can find time to figure it out myself or make money to pay for it, Phin is a little gimpy.

Still have some lonely moments, but I'm making some new friends and getting settled.

I'm still having some "holy $*@&" moments where I sort of realize that I'm in LA living the dream and going for it. That's kind of scary sometimes.

In the little time I've been out here there's kind of a theme that's emereged regarding this business I've entered. And that's that though a lot of becoming rich, famous, and successful is who you know, timing, luck etc., a lot of it is just sticking it out. The people who make it in the business and have careers - maybe not stellar, off the charts careers, but careers nonetheless - are the people who stick to it.

Also, here's a new project I'm working on. Tell all your teacher friends. :

It's a boy!

2011-02-03T14:13:00.002-07:00

Meet Phineas:

He's my new ride. I would have posted a picture of me seated majestically atop this mechanical wonder, but I'm having camera issues, so you can look at the stock photo instead. :)

150 cc, 90 MPG, pure joy.

Right now my version is missing the right side mirror as it came loose and fell off while I was driving yesterday. Luckily that's covered under the warranty.

It gets a little cold riding at night at 50 MPH, but I bought some hot chocolate, and I have a snuggie, so life is good.

If you come visit me, you might be lucky enough to get a ride.

changing life

2011-01-27T17:02:00.003-07:00

Pursue dreams - check

Move to California - check

Get rich and famous and do lots of good things to make the world a better place - pending...

I've been in LA for almost a month now and I think my brain is still catching on to the fact that I've moved here. I mean, I realize I'm here. I'm doing things and meeting people, and taking steps and all that, but I don't know if my brain fully comprehends that I've moved here. Ya know? If I had my own apartment I'd be sleeping on an air mattress and using constructible metal grates as shelving. It's a bit different from my pillow-top mattress and kitchen table back in Salt Lake. It's just weird for me to think that I can start building a life out here. Buying a bed, and finding a permanent-ish living arrangement, and changing my driver's license, and getting to a first-name basis with the local baker. It just hasn't really sunk in yet. But, when I moved I told myself I'd give it 5 years. So, for better or worse I'm in LA for the next 5 years at least. And, though it may be a good idea to get an actual library card, and perhaps transfer my gym membership, I don't know that I'll be picking up paint swatches anytime soon.

On a semi-related, somewhat somber note - (I apologize, I'm not generally a somber person, so I know this is a major downer for everyone) I'm feeling a little lonely out here in LA. Though I'm pretty good at making friends, I think what most people don't realize is that I'm really good at making friends with a specific kind of person. Generally I don't find those people in school classes, or at church, or wherever else people generally accumulate friends. I think it took almost 25 years to build the kind of friendships and friend networks that I had living back in the SLC. "Finally!" I thought. "This is what everyone's talking about!" And then what do I do? Move 2 states away where I know all of 3 people. *sigh* But this time around I think I've got a few things figured out that I didn't before. And I'm sure budding friendships are around every corner...until then I've got Natty and her bird. *lonely sigh*

Perhaps it's time for a trip to the Glendale branch of the Hale family...

where to lay my head...

2011-01-26T18:21:00.002-07:00

The housing quandry has been solved. At least for the time being.

I was rejected by the management company for the Chinatown place. Not enough proof of income - which I'm 100% resulted from a lack of effort on the part of the management company. I'm perfectly capable of paying monthly rent and have been doing so for nearly 10 years - which they would have discovered if they'd bothered anything beyond a cursory glance of my application. But that's neither here nor there. Apparently Chinatown didn't work out for the other guys either.

After two days of searching for an apartment I discovered that any place that is within my current budget is super sketchy. Not wanting to live in constant fear I determined to see if Natty (that's what I'm naming the lady I'm currently staying with) would let me live with her for an indeterminate period of time. She said yes. So I'm paying ridiculously cheap rent, and helping out with projects around the house etc. It's a little out of the way, but it's safe and kind of a great situation.

I think I'm going to buy a scooter to save on gas money since I'll be traveling quite a bit. With the money I'll be saving from cheap rent, no utilities, and gas savings, it should pay for itself in a matter of a few short months. After some initial research it seems that not every street-legal scooter is legal in the great state of CA where they seem to have a way of doing everything their own way regardless of the rest of the country. I infer that I also have to get a motorcycle license. So, it may be a process, but I think in the long run it'll be worth it. I'll keep you posted. Start thinking now of pretentious European names for my vintage scooter.

Secret Agent Man

2011-01-22T16:53:00.002-07:00

Someone's looking out for me. This much I know.

I don't know if my first meeting with Vinnie could have gone worse. Well, conceivably it could have gone worse. Nazis didn't appear or anything, but overall it was not the most positive experience of the last 3 weeks.

To start out with the maps on my phone will occasionally - usually when I'm trying to get to a meeting or something else more important to my career than a bakery - ignore the numbers in an address and just give me the street. When this happens it is invariably on the other end of the street - miles away from where I need to be. So long story short, I was almost an hour late for my meeting.

Once I got there, I didn't really know what to do. Dotty had said to me, "Remember, you're interviewing him, not the other way around." So the interview consisted of him verifying some things and asking me a few questions about myself and my acting experience etc. I asked him a few questions about the agency and what I could expect given I were offered representation, he asked me to send him my reel, and we were done. About 30 seconds after I left the ultra-swanky, 11th floor, downtown office I thought of about 15 things I could have done or asked to make the experience more beneficial. Hindsight's 20/20.

At that point I was pretty much ready to chalk it up to a good learning experience for next time. Nothing like a lack of experience and knowledge to make you feel SUPER green.

I sent him my reel the next day. My reel consists of clips from the three film things I've done. It's nothing super impressive, but it's all I have.

Fast forward three days. I'm trying to navigate the complicated series of 1-way streets that is downtown LA on my way to pick up a friend for dinner. I get a phone call from an unrecognized number.

Me: Hello?

V: Hello, is this Greg? (Imagine the kind of voice you'd expect to hear if Anthony Hopkins were to call to inform you you were his next victim. Almost unsettlingly calm and soothing.)

Me: Yeah. :)

V: This is Vinnie Torino (name has been changed to protect the innocent) How are you?

Me: I'm doing well, how are you?

At this point the robotic voice of the GPS on my phone started to tell me to take a left on 6th street in 800 feet

Me: I'm sorry, what?

V: I said, do you know who this is?

Me: Oh, yeah, I know who you are.

V: Well Greg, I've been thinking a lot about you, and ... the voice tells me to take a right on 6th and continue for 1000 feet.

Me: Sorry, one more time?

V: I said I'd like to offer you representation.

Me: Yeah, that would be great!

And.....SCENE!

Well, there's more, but it was just details about timing etc. At this point I'm freaking out a little bit. I have essentially no experience, I've been in LA for two weeks, I'm not part of any union, and as far as I know Vinnie thinks I'm about as reliable as a Pinto.

One more week passes and I'm sitting back in Vinnie's office signing my life away. It felt like signing the mortgage papers. Lots of signing. Sign sign everywhere a sign. I saw the sign...and...SCENE!

Vinnie told me that he's never signed anyone that's not part of a union. So, despite the fact that on paper I'm not a very good risk, Vinnie apparently saw something in me that he thinks is worth it - in fact he said, "I hope what I think that I saw is really there." Oh it is Vinnie. Believe me it is.

almost famous

2011-01-21T12:30:00.002-07:00

So blah blah blah, friends of friends, blah, the point is this: On Wednesday night I got to attend a semi-private, highly exclusive Elton John concert - FREE! I know, right?

So, here's how it went down. This organization called AFER (American Foundation for Equal Rights) along with Rob Reiner...and other people...put together this benefit fundraiser concert to help raise money to, as their website states, overturn prop. 8 and obtain marriage equality. I know. Though I love my gay and lesbian friends/neighbors/acquaintances/colleagues/family members etc. I don't support gay marriage. But going into this I wasn't really thinking, "Yes! Finally the liberal agenda will be realized!" My thought process was more along the lines of "Yes! Free Elton John concert at an ultra-swanky Beverly Hills mansion!" And so it was!

I could probably go on for days about the absurd details of this event, but long story short is this: I saw Jane Lynch (actually had a short conversation with her - she's SUPER nice), Jason Mraz, Rob Reiner, Elton John, JJ Abrams, Matthew Morrison, sat two feet behind Adam Lambert, and ended up at one point being in Will Farrel's way (ironically it's because we were staring at Matthew Morrison). Plus we got to go inside the mansion thanks to my friend Kas and her BFF being in charge of the whole event. The bathroom I used was pushing 400 square feet. This place was INSANE! It's the kind of place that has a name (Green Acres). There were at least 2 basketball courts, a tunnel, spacious, verdant lawns, 3 dining areas, and enough room on the lawn for two huge tents - one for the concert, and one for food and cocktails. I don't know that I'll ever get used to that kind of thing. I honestly can't imagine living in a place like that.

Also, today I was supposed to be an extra on the TV show "How I Met Your Mother." This is kind of a funny story. Another example of why you need good self esteem out here. They called me into be a nerd in a bar scene. I'm cool with that. But they only needed 2 nerds, and they brought in 5 guys. Apparently I wasn't nerdy enough. So, they were going to use me as part of the group of people there to make the bar look more "average" because they had lots of pretty people playing extras today. In the end they didn't end up using me for anything, so I was done after sitting around reading my book for an hour and got paid for the whole day. Plus, I got to see Neil Patrick Harris up close and in person. Or...at least in person, he was kind of on the other side of the set, but it was him!

So, steps. I'm not sure if they're steps forward, but I certainly couldn't have experienced either of those things in SLC, so good things!

Addendum

2011-01-15T14:28:00.003-07:00

I have since discovered that the paperwork I signed was for a manager. Therefore, meeting with the Big-time agent man - henceforth knows as Vinnie - is not a big deal, and in fact is encouraged by my manager (HKA Dotty). So, I have a meeting with Vinnie on Tuesday. Prayers are welcome. :)

In other news, I have now watched 4 movies on my "to-watch" list.

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington - great movie. I really liked it, and that old Jimmy Stewart was quite a guy.

The Royal Tennenbaums - Hi-larious. Some questionable material in parts, so don't go out and rent it if you're...ya know...pretty much anyone I know that hasn't already seen it, but still - funny stuff. After this and The Fantastic Mr. Fox, I am officially a huge fan of Wes Andersen.

The Graduate. I love Dustin Hoffman. Seriously. That aside, I really didn't understand why this movie was such a classic. It reminded me of Catcher in the Rye.

Out of Africa. Meryl Streep is unbelievable. Just, in general, really.

Next on my list - Dances with Wolves, and who knows what after that? I'm at the library copying movies onto my computer. Shady, I know, but I only have a temporary library card until I can give them some sort of official proof of address, therefore I can only check out one item at a time. Being that I live with an old lady, and really have no friends to hang out with, I'm spending my Saturday tackling my movie list - which is hard to do when one is poor and allowed only one movie from the library. So, I'm copying them to my computer, and when I'm done watching them, I'll delete them. :)

I have also decided that, though it is good to have a backup plan and certainly good to have work-type things to fall back on, I didn't move to LA to be a substitute teacher, private tutor, babysitter, waiter, or extra. I came here to be an actor because that's what I am. So that's what I'm going to do. Again - prayers are welcome. And thanks for any you may have already sent my way.

Mucho love to one and all.

The next 3 days...

2011-01-14T12:52:00.002-07:00

Who knew I'd have new information after 3 more days? Well I do. I'll try to keep this short:

Still no word on the shady Chinatown apartment. But living with Sis. N is a treat.

It appears that very few of the surrounding school districts are hiring subs - and the ones that are require California Certification, so I think I might stick to extra work and private tutoring.

I've called the extra line a few times to get some work, but to no avail. The days I have available to work only have jobs for truckers in their 50's, people with bar tending experience, or drag queens. Who knew being an extra was so type-specific?

Now for the good stuff:

The Casting Director (henceforth known as CD) that came and saw Drowsy hooked me up with what have proved to be very good contacts here in LA. One of them is Steve Nave who runs an acting workshop twice a week. He brings in Directors, CDs, Producers, Agents, Managers etc.

So Monday he brought in a CD named Cathy Henderson (look her up on imdb, she's done a TON of stuff - including UHF!). She does lots of indy stuff and is apparently going to be casting some things for Hulu. Here's what she said, "I really enjoyed your work last night, and it was a pleasure to meet you and find a new actor that I know I can bring in who will make me look like I know what I'm doing! I appreciate your talent."

Wednesday the workshop guest was an agent from the Daniel Hoff agency. I know that doesn't really mean anything to you, and frankly doesn't really mean much to me at this point either, aside from the fact that they're a legit agency. The day after the workshop I got an email from the agent saying, "I'd like you to come in for a meeting." WHAT?! Crazy. That doesn't happen to people. (I know, I just signed with an agent, so I'm trying to figure all of that out...)

THEN - Steve - the guy who runs the workshop - called and said he'd recommended me to a manager he works with. He (Steve) has apparently helped a bunch of people launch careers (Eva Mendez was the one I remember him mentioning), so I guess he's a really good connection to have and he said he wants to help me out.

So, there's my life. Of course one shouldn't count chickens and all that, and really all of this is just talk at this point. But as far as I'm concerned, it's really good talk. And I think I can celebrate a little bit. This doesn't really happen to people. Hopefully I'll be working in no time. Ellen here I come!

The Last 3 Days

2011-01-08T13:21:00.003-07:00

WARNING: This post will probably not be very entertaining for most people. Its purpose is to inform those that might be interested about what I've been up to since moving to LA - i.e. the last 3 days. And it's kind of long, so...there's that...

HOUSING

I potentially have a place to live. It's looking pretty good. A friend of a friend is looking at a place in Chinatown with a guy from his ward. 3-bedroom condo. Cheap rent. Mormon roommates. It's a little out of the way from where I'd ultimately like to be, but again - cheap rent. And it's better than living in a mobile home with Ms. Italy (Who doesn't have the most creative name for a transsexual, AND who I just discovered no longer has a listing on Craigslist, so I can only assume she found a taker.) Plus, a friend of mine is *most likely* moving down here in a few weeks and we'll be getting bunk beds, making rent even cheaper! I feel like I'm back in college... Until the Chinatown place comes through I'm living in El Segundo - a quaint Mayberry-ish town south of LAX - with a lady from my Grandpa's old ward. She's extremely nice, rather fuss-budgety, likes rugs, wears a moo moo, and is something of a clutter collector. I have a king sized bed, my own TV, heat lamps in the ceiling of the bathroom, a shelf in the fridge, and free-reign of whatever bikes I find in the garage. I might actually be sad to move to Chinatown in a couple of weeks.

WORK

I went to Central Casting - which is the main service in LA for providing background artists AKA extras. After standing in several lines for nearly two and a half hours, I am now registered to work as an extra. I call the workline and pick which jobs I might be suited for and go from there. I checked it out this morning just to get an idea of how it worked and twice I had to move immediately to the next job because the AD (assistant director) who left the message used the phrase "very very attractive." I wonder if I'll start to develop a complex after a while. And I wonder what kind of person says "Oh yeah, that's definitely me." But I guess if you are one of those chiseled beautiful people you kind of have to have an attitude bordering on arrogance if you're going to make it in this business eh? More on that as things develop.

I also signed all the paperwork with an agent, so I'm set there. I was a little concerned upon coming down here that that might not happen because it was sort of only loosely implied that I would be with the agency when I visited a few weeks ago. I've left emails and messages since then with no result - much to my chagrin. So I was in the neighborhood in my travels and decided to stop in. Good thing too. I signed on the line and my soul is now owned by Whitaker Entertainment. Let's hope that's as good a thing as I think it is. She - my agent who will henceforth be known as Dotty - says it's gonna be an uphill battle because I don't have lots of experience - which I knew coming in. I asked about pilot season and she said that basically because of my lack of experience, I don't have a chance this time around. I guess we'll see. She also asked what sorts of things I'm willing to do. Meaning - I'm mormon, so what are my boundaries? She said, "I mean, they obviously aren't going to ask you to take your shirt off..." see what I mean about getting a complex? I have a little more sympathy for those psychotic drug addicts Hollywood tends to produce. But only a little. I'm pretty level-headed and have a healthy sense of self awareness, so it's all good.

And since I brought it up, and I know you're now all dying to know - my boundaries are pretty loose. Meaning pretty much anything you'd see on network television I'd be ok doing. I'm not going to compromise myself, but as an actor you have to accept those kinds of things. I don't think it's any different than under-cover cops having to drink and smoke, or CIA agents having to do shady things. It's not not me involved in those things, it's a character I'm playing. And that's kind of where I stand. But don't worry, I'm definitely going to try to steer clear of anything too much in the gray area. I'd love to do family films and educational TV for my entire career. But if I end up as some sociopathic killer on Criminal Minds - so be it. And for those judgy Mormons out there who gasp in horror at the thought of me endorsing something like alcohol or pre-marital sex, just remember someone has to play Fontaine in Les Mis, Potiphar's wife in Joseph ATATDC, and Judas Iscariot in "The Lamb of God." I see no difference.

As a way to pay the rent until I'm larger than life (figuratively speaking, of course, I exercise daily) I had looked into substitute teaching with the LA unified school district, but to no avail. They're not hiring subs. However, it looks like there are numerous, i.e. 30-ish, smaller school districts in the area, so I'll be checking into that this coming week to see what I can accomplish there. I'd almost rather do that because subbing pays upwards of $150 a day depending on the district, and being an extra only pays $64 for an 8-hour workday. That's minimum wage.

OTHER STUFF

Since I'd rather not wait for things to happen - and because I'm a firm believer in making your life what you want it to be rather than letting life happen to you - and because I personally believe that God is more willing to help out when we put in a concerted effort first - I've got some other things going to help speed up the process. I'm in an acting class on Tuesdays with this guy. His students apparently book stuff (industry terminology meaning "get jobs") all the time - of course, he wouldn't tell me they didn't or I wouldn't take his class, nevertheless... He's a super nice guy and has been around for a while and is on a first-name basis with lots of big wigs (which is still a bit disconcerting at times) and I sat in on a couple of classes when I was down here and they seem like good times to me. Any advantage is, in the end, an advantage.

There's also a workshop I will be attending from time to time as I can. Steve Nave is the director - not that that should mean anything to you, that's just his name - and brings in Casting Directors, Producers, Agents, Managers, Directors etc. to facilitate and students of the workshop often book with these people. It's probably the best way to get into the business - networking with Casting Directors. Now I just need to figure out exactly how to do that. Suggestions?

So, that's pretty much it for now. I have my Disneyland Annual Passport - which I used last night to celebrate my my wearing of the big boy pants. I wandered around the park and enjoyed the atmosphere, then ended with fireworks and a fresh, hot churro. I'm going to get a library card as soon as I can; I'm thinking about buying a scooter, but I'm holding off until I'm more established in my living circumstance; I'm waiting to hear back from the USF, and the church's New Testament project for possible acting work this spring/summer; I know four people in LA and will hopefully know many more soon; I'll be going to a single's ward - though heaven only knows why (I've been in them for almost 10 years, and they haven't done me much good yet); I have a list of 238 movies to watch, and 294 books to read; Trader Joe's is here; the weather's gorgeous, and life is good.

As fate would have it, I kind of fell in love with a girl and then moved to LA (and people say God doesn't have a sense of humor), but for whatever reason I don't really feel worried about it. She's kind of perfect, and she makes me beam. Plus, I figure if I have a career as an actor there will mostly likely be times when we'll have a long distance relationship - should things work out - so maybe this is good practice.

All of the above is completely awesome and I'm seriously living the dream out here. Thanks for all your love and support, and keep the prayers/good vibes/happy thoughts coming my way and I'll be sure to return the favor. We'll make the world a better place yet!

Happy 2010

2010-12-31T23:59:00.001-07:00

At the beginning of each year I begin a new list of happiness and generally keep it updated all year as things make me happy. This year I was apparently a little less diligent and had to compile the whole list in one sitting. Not that that's too difficult, there's plenty to be happy about, but I'm afraid a lot of these things have been influenced by my recent excursions with Christmas treats. Regardless, here's this year's list of 100 things that make me happy. Enjoy:

-sleepovers
-brownies

-kisses

-fun socks

-galoshes

-friends

-gut-wrenching laughter

-being on stage

-playing a killer role in a show

-getting outside my comfort zone

-demolition derbies

-the state fair

-people watching

-cardigans

-hilarious children's books

-nephews

-vacations

-projects

-accents

-frozen hot chocolate

-pots de creme

-kids saying hilarious things

-inside jokes

-cinnamon rolls

-footie pajamas

-coupons

-santa claus

-disneyland

-fireworks

-the success of my friends

-the last day of school

-naps

-mix cds

-thai food

-impromptu musical numbers

-angry birds

-laughing on stage when you're not supposed to be laughing on stage

-broadway

-dim sum

-the magic 8 ball

-road trips

-summer rain

-good book series

-gb bags

-good examples

-frilly socks

-mental health days

-new friends

-fun glasses

-boy's nights

-le vain cookies

-wii dancing

-the lovesac

-packages

-cuddling

-sunday dinners

-chastity

-mingles

-compliments

-technology

-nicknames

-the pool key

-late-night chats

-disney firsts

-field trips

-class parties

-incurable optimism

-pumpkin steamers

-barnes and noble

-massages

-gratitude lists

-google docs

-random speak

-cheeseball

-exploding stuff

-space

-sunflower market

-stumbleupon.com

-love

-orange juice

-thrift shops

-museums

-cool photography

-babies

-traditions

-free music

-glitter

-campfires

-panguitch lake

-superheroes

-dance parties

-big decisions

-pie

-bubbles

-gps

-creme brule french toast

-pocket people

-gutsy moments

-green traffic lights

-clean sheets

Movin' right along.

2010-12-27T18:24:00.003-07:00

You might recall that some time ago I posted a list of life goals and aspirations. Well I'm pulling a John Goddard and jumping in (funnily enough, I just reread that post and had forgotten that I mentioned Mr. Goddard there too. Apparently he's somehow, for me, related to reaching goals...which I find mildly hilarious). No slow-bandaid, test the water with a toe, weak-kneed life for me. I've packed my snuggie and bright red galoshes and am wending my way to live the dream out of a fittingly dilapidated Chinatown apartment in Los Angeles. (It was down to that or a mobile home with a transsexual, but I love me some pot stickers...)

With any luck I'll soon have some fun stories from Hollywood. Keep the good vibes coming. :)

Crossing Legs Instead of Lines

2010-12-20T12:25:00.006-07:00

Another year has come and gone, and it's one more year for some of us to celebrate the fact that we're keeping it together. (i.e. lament the fact that we're really not getting any.)

And we do it with style. Presenting:

The 2nd Annual Chastity Celebration:

Crossing Legs Instead of Lines.*

This year's reflections winners:

In third place, winning a wooden plaque 'virtue': JP with "You make me wanna wait"

In second place, winning a commemorative 'faith, hope, and chastity' wooden craft: AN with the chastity iphone app.

And this year's first place contestant, winning the unbelievable children's book "The Princess and the Kiss": KN with his representation of the crossing of jeans/genes

Thanks again to everyone who came and participated this year. Another successful celebration of our celibacy. Here's hoping you're not elligible for next year's party - for all the right reasons. But even if you do end up receiving an invite, just remember it'll be awesome!

To everyone who "couldn't make it" this year - you are dead to me. You knew six months in advance, so you have no excuse.

Chastity - Doing it by not doing it!

*The inspiration for it all.

All good gifts

2010-12-15T13:08:00.002-07:00

Thanks to my friend Emily, I discovered zennioptical. Super awesome inexpensive prescription glasses. And just in time for my new prescription. I bought three pairs, will probably be getting an additional 2-3 for Christmas and plan to budget $20 or so every couple of months for a new, fun pair. Why? Because I can! I'm excited about these:

Also, I bought these:

Merry Christmas to me!

Some "X"tra Holiday Cheer

2010-12-15T13:06:00.001-07:00

From Dictionary.com:

The “X” in “Xmas” — Learn the sacred, 1,000-year-old meaning of the “X”

December 13, 2010

188 Comments

Here’s a holiday surprise that only the dictionary can provide. Do you find the word “Xmas,” as an abbreviation for Christmas, offensive? Many people do.

You won’t find Xmas in church songbooks or even on many greeting cards. Xmas is popularly associated with a trend towards materialism, and sometimes the target of people who decry the emergence of general “holiday” observance instead of particular cultural and religious ritual.

But the history of the word “Xmas” is actually more respectable — and fascinating — than you might suspect.

First of all, the abbreviation predates by centuries its use in gaudy advertisements. It was first used in the mid 1500s.

X is the Greek letter “chi,” the initial letter in the word Χριστός. And here’s the kicker: Χριστόςmeans “Christ.” X has been an acceptable representation of the word “Christ” for hundreds of years. This device is known as a Christogram.

The “mas” in Xmas is the Old English word for “mass.” The thought-provoking etymology of “mass” can be found here.

In the same vein, the dignified terms “Xpian” and “Xtian” have been used in place of the word “Christian.”

Planeteers

2010-11-30T09:58:00.001-07:00

What the What?!??!?!?!?

Sign me up...

Life Lessons

2010-11-13T09:39:00.002-07:00

A friend of mine emailed me this list of life lessons and I thought I'd share. It was written by a woman named Regina Brett. If you google it you'll discover she was 90 years old when she wrote the column. If you go to her website you'll discover she wrote it when she was 40. Either way I think she pretty much nailed it. I especially like number 23:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Things 7

2010-11-04T16:14:00.002-06:00

Things I miss:

The lunch buffet at Pizza Hut

2 brand new dollar bills for Christmas

Trapper Keepers

The back seat of the school bus during road trips

Grandpa

Fresh bread for scripture study

Zoobilee Zoo

Fun slippers

Sitting in building 2 after lunch

Nightly fireworks

Cordial Correspondence

2010-10-26T07:33:00.002-06:00

Dear patrons of the arts:

I realize the Hale Centre Theatre, the Murray Amphitheater, the Desert Star Theater, or any of the local high school auditoriums and community venues isn't the Metropolitan Opera. I get that. And it's for that reason that I'd like to share a few tips for those of you who may not be accustomed to attending artistic presentations, or for those who may think that because you're not at the Met you don't have to be courteous.

The most important thing to know is this: The more you give us as an audience, the more we give you as performers. Fact.

Don't text during the show. Better yet, turn your phone off. In fact, leave your phone in the car. We notice when someone is paying more attention to their phone than to us. ESPECIALLY when the lights are out. Then you become the subject of ridicule for the tech crew for the remainder of the show. We talk about you when we're off stage and say things like, "Can you believe?!...", or "What the?!", If something is important enough to be texting about during a show, you probably shouldn't be at the show in the first place.

Arrive on time. Not only is it rude to come late in general, but it's very inconsiderate of you to make everyone else stand up while a performance is going so you can find your seat. Not to mention how distracting it can be for the performers. Plan ahead. It's not that hard.

Don't fall asleep. If you're that tired, stay home.

Don't be grumpy. No one likes a frowny face. Even in a dramatic play, there's a difference between being involved in the story, and just being grumpy. If it's not a dramatic show, the least you can do is fake a smile.

If you have to text, or sleep, or mope, at least have the decency not to sit on the front row. That way we don't have to see you. We've put a lot of work into what we do and we want happy, engaged people there who might actually be excited about what we're doing. If that's not you, perhaps find something different to do with your time.

Sincerely,

Performers of the arts.

Advisor

2010-09-29T12:03:00.002-06:00

Apparently Good Morning America is hosting a search for the GMA Advice Guru. Someone to dispense wit and wisdom to the masses. According to the information I've found (thanks goes out to Tara for sending me the info) this is a competition, but it will end with a real-live grown-up job with the folks at GMA. There will be answering of questions on-camera and online. This person will be like a "Dear Abby" for the 21st century.

So I decided to apply.

Here are the questions they asked on the application along with my responses. Enjoy:

What is the best advice you’ve ever given? What was the result?

Don’t compromise your beliefs to be who other people think you should be. Be the person you know you should. That person proceeded to make some less-than-stellar choices. Hey – people don’t always take advice, even if it’s good. Ultimately change and implementation are up to the receiver of the advice, not the giver.

What would you tell this person: “Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?”

First, talk to your husband about it. Without accusing him, explain how you feel and why. Then, be willing to show him that you value your relationship as much as you expect him to. Sometimes we men-folk are a little slow on the uptake, so set the example for him, but don't do it backhandedly. Secondly, unless the issue involved him directly, I’d resolve all issues you have with your MIL directly with her. This will also build your relationship with her and thus diminish this problem in the future.

“While cleaning my son’s room, I accidentally saw on his facebook page threatening remarks from his friends. I fear he’s being bullied, what should I do?”

The balance between privacy and parenting can sometimes be tricky. In this situation I’d talk to him about bullying in a general sense and make sure he knows there are people he can talk to – you, adults at school, neighbors, friends etc. – without necessarily trying to get a confession out of him. Just make sure he knows what to do. I’d also call his teacher(s) and have him/her/them keep an eye out for trouble. It’s true that teachers already have lots to do, but the safety of your student is at the top of their list, so don’t be afraid to enlist their help.

“My boss keeps taking credit for my ideas, what should I do?”

Honestly, find a new job. It’s clear that recognition is important to you. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just something you need. This work environment doesn’t seem to be fulfilling that need, so you should seriously look at other work opportunities that will. If that’s not feasible then you really have two options: 1 - Cowboy up, 2 - talk to your boss. Tell him/her what’s troubling you. Remember to use “I” statements and avoid accusing him or her of anything. Happy employees are productive employees. A good boss will recognize that and do what they can do remedy the problem. If option 2 doesn’t work, I’m afraid you’re stuck with option 1. At that point you can always stop sharing good ideas directly with him or her.

Then you’re supposed to submit a short personal essay about why you should be the next advice guru. Here’s mine:

In my few short years I’ve seen a lot of things. I’ve traveled the world, I have degrees in communication and education, I’ve studied music, acting, business and Spanish, and I’ve seen and talked with the richest of the rich and poorest of the poor. Currently I’m a starving actor trying to seek out a living doing what I love. As an actor I’ve had the chance to be a lot of people. And though those situations are always fictional to one degree or another, they all have something in common – they’re based on life. As a result they present real problems and real solutions – some of which work, and some of which don’t. Either way I’ve learned a lot about what makes people tick and the most important thing I’ve learned, I think, is this: Succeeding in life is really just about keeping things in perspective.
My friends and family often come to me for advice and perspective. The advice I give generally falls into one of three categories: Go for it, don't give up, or chill out. One of these is almost always applicable. Life is yours for the taking so whether it’s eating some extra chocolate ice cream, or quitting your job to pursue your dreams - go for it. Things won't always go how you want even when you go for it, maybe he doesn’t like you, maybe you didn’t get the promotion, so what? Something better’s just around the corner. Don't give up. And very few negative things are worth freaking out over (though most positive things absolutely are), so take a breath, have a brownie, and chill out.

Scenario

2010-09-27T14:58:00.002-06:00

I've discovered something helpful recently. Conversational scenarios. Have you ever had a planned conversation coming up and it keeps playing in your head how you want it to happen, then when it actually happens it's nothing like you planned and you end up becoming depressed, eating too much sugar, and spiraling out of control? I haven't, but I have been slightly less-than-happy with the outcome of a few conversations in my time. So here's what I do to soften the blow of disappointment - have multiple possible outcomes. Ex:

You want to have a conversation with the special someone who's caught your eye and let them know how you feel. So, you come up with three possible outcomes.

1 - Things go well. Not too well, but enough that you're probably sporting a silly grin. He or she says they feel the same way, maybe you hold hands and walk in the park for hours. You end up having a hot - but appropriate - makeout underneath a tree while the birds sing. Make the good scenario good enough to give you hope, but not so good that it's completely unrealistic.

2 - Things go horribly wrong. She gets a look of complete disgust on her face, slaps you, spits in your eye, rips the sleeve off your new shirt, insults your cologne, style, haircut, and heritage. She runs away screaming and starts to spread vicious rumors about ill-gotten gain, or perhaps a rash. Make this one unrealistic. Something that would never actually happen (after all, you like this person, so there's a good chance they're not completely psychotic.)

3 - Things are somewhere in the middle. He or she is flattered, but not wanting to get in a relationship. He or she is interested, but currently busy. He or she is interested and has time this weekend for a date. This one should be something that will most likely happen.

Then, when you have the conversation, guess what happens? Your good probably won't happen, your bad definitely won't happen, and it ends up somewhere in the middle. The vast majority of the time it will actually be on the positive side of middle, so you can still sport a grin!

Amazing isn't it?

I've tried it twice already with extremely positive results. Really it's just about putting things in perspective, but it's kind of fun to image unrealistic possibilities.

Insights

2010-09-15T11:39:00.002-06:00

The Hale Centre Theatre facebook page has a little segment called "A Day in the Life" where the people of Hale share thoughts and experiences about their lives. They asked me to do the latest one, and this is what I wrote. It's a small look inside my head:

I've recently come to a realization about performing - I can't get enough of it. It's the one thing I've never gotten tired of doing (well, that and eating brownies). Nowhere has that been more apparent than my participation at the Hale Centre Theatre. In the last 3 years I've been involved in 11 shows which means I've spent more days at the theater than away from the theater in that time. And the thing I love most about performing is making people laugh. It's so incredibly fulfilling. There's nothing on Earth like it, and after playing everything from a high-class British socialite to a crazy ex-pirate castaway, I've certainly had my fair share of chances to do just that. It's a sickness, but as Mr. Turnblad says in "Hairspray," "There ain't no cure, so let this fever rage!"

The thing I look forward to most on a regular basis is heading to the theater for a rehearsal or a performance. Everyone acts excited/relieved/happy when we get a free night, but secretly I'm disappointed. There's literally nowhere I'd rather be than at the theater - even if I'm not doing anything! Not only do I get to spend time in my favorite place doing my favorite thing, but when I'm there I'm surrounded by the most amazing, talented, hilarious, caring, supportive, loving, insane, fantastic people you'll ever find. Olive Garden may have the copyright to the tagline "When you're here your family," but at the theater - you live it.

Currently I'm following in a storied tradition of insane people - being single cast. That's a minimum of 8 shows a week and 0 social life. But two things make it bearable: 1 - I'm playing a dream role - Man in Chair in The Drowsy Chaperone. And 2 - I LOVE performing. Even the thought of not having Friday or Saturday nights free doesn't really bother me because I'll be spending them doing the thing I love most, surrounded by amazingly hilarious, talented people. What more could anyone want?

So when you come to see "The Drowsy Chaperone" (Playing from Oct. 5 - Nov. 27) - and you definitely don't want to miss this one - and you see me up on stage absolutely beaming, just know that at that moment, I'm not acting. And feel free to give me a big grin yourself on the way out of the theater, then I know I've done my job. :)

And another

2010-09-07T10:53:00.002-06:00

I was in a student film this summer. It was fun! Here's the trailer if you're interested:

I was kind of expecting to watch this and hate myself as a film actor - thus derailing plans for my future film career and destroying my dreams in one fell swoop - but I didn't.

Salivating

2010-09-03T13:46:00.002-06:00

Many of you may not be aware, but there are people out there who sell discounted books to teachers, and heaven bless those people. They set up small displays in faculty rooms around the country and offer books and other related merchandise - some of it amazing, some of it not so much - at a fraction of the original cost. In my time as an educator I took advantage of that on more than one occasion. One book in particular will forever hold a special place on my shelf and in my heart. I give you:

Sticky, Chewy, Messy, Gooey: Desserts for the serious sweet tooth

I just looked at the name and knew I had to have it. The first recipe (Heart of Darkness brownies) only served to confirm that feeling. I HIGHLY recommend this purchase as an addition to any kitchen. Last Sunday I tried out another recipe that was nothing short of divine. I liked it so much I've decided to share it here:

Cinnamon Donut Bread Pudding

For the Cinnamon Custard Sauce:

5 large egg yolks

Half cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract

half tsp ground cinnamon

2 c heavy cream

Whisk together the yolks, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon in a bowl until smooth. Heat the cream in a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat just until it comes to a boil. Remove the pan from the heat and whisk the hot cream into the egg yolks, quarter-cup at a time, until all the cream has been slowly incorporated into the egg yolks.

Return the mixture to the saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly until the custard is thickened and coats the back of a wooden spoon. Do not boil, or the custard will curdle (I discovered that this part takes a little time, so just be prepared for that). Immediately pour the custard through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl and whisk until very smooth, about 1 minute. Let cool to room temperature, then cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate until very cold, 2-3 hours or up to overnight.

For the Pudding:

4 large eggs

4 large egg yolks

quarter-tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla

2 c heavy cream

half-cup whole milk

half-cup sugar plus some extra for sprinkling

quarter-cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 and a half tsp ground cinnamon plus extra for sprinkling

quarter-tsp ground ginger

1 pound (5-6) day-old, yeast-raised cinnamon-roll donuts cut into 1 in. pieces. (I just used Harmon's bakery cinnamon rolls)

Boiling water as needed

Vanilla ice cream for serving (optional)

In a bowl, whisk together the eggs, egg yolks, salt, vanilla, heavy cream, milk, sugars, cinnamon, and ginger until smooth. Place the donut pieces in a large bowl. Pour the custard over the donuts and let stand for 1 hour to allow the donuts to absorb the custard. Divide the mixture evenly and spoon into 6 oven-proof coffee cups that have been brushed with melted butter (I also sprinkled some cinnamon-sugar in the cups before putting the pudding mixture in). Sprinkle each with cinnamon sugar.

Position a rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Place the cups in a large roasting pan and fill the roasting pan with boiling water until it reaches halfway up the sides of the cups and cover with aluminum foil. Place the pan in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the foil and continue baking until pudding is puffed and golden and a knife comes out clean when inserted into the center of a pudding, 15-20 minutes longer. Let cool 10-15 minutes.

Serve the puddings warm, drizzled with the cold cinnamon custard sauce and/or a scoop of vanilla ice cream, if desired.

Absolutely heavenly. We did it without the ice cream and loved every bite. I think 9 of us shared the 6 cups and there was more than enough for everyone. They were SO GOOD!!! This is definitely one I'll be making again.

Not sure if I'm breaking any copyright laws by posting this recipe, but I figure it's just one recipe out of an entire book so I should be ok...right? RIGHT?!

Gotta hand it to you

2010-08-20T13:13:00.007-06:00

So, being a newly funemployed single person, I'm looking into all sorts of things as possible sources of income (most of them educationally themed - private tutor, substitute teacher etc.) and though I have not been blessed with overwhelming physical beauty in most areas (which I'm fine with, BTW) I do like my hands. So I asked a photog friend of mine to take some snapshots for a hand modeling portfolio. I think they turned out pretty good. Take a gander:

My way

2010-08-06T14:16:00.003-06:00

I just got home from a trip to New York City. I may have a small crush on that city...if it's possible to have a crush on a city...which I assume it is since people can love cities...but I digress.

I'd like to share some tips for those of you considering a trip.

Rules of NYC:

1 - Don't eat anywhere you can eat at home. There is SO MUCH good food in the city (more on that further down) that it's really a waste to eat at places you can find in your hometown. *This applies to shopping as well. If you're going to go to NY and eat at the Olive Garden - I don't care if it is on Times Square - and shop at American Eagle - just stay home. It'll be less expensive.

2 - Wear comfortable footwear. You'll be walking a lot and you're on vacation, so wear something that won't make you miss a day of vacation because you can't walk after the first day. (If you're going out for the evening something more style and less substance is fine, but for the statue of liberty, a pair of walking shoes is best.)

3 - Carry your money in your front pocket. There are lots of nice people in the city - really - but just in case you come across one of those fabled pick-pockets, it's better to have your money somewhere that's harder to get to.

What to see:

I've been to NY a few times, and after the traditionally touristy stuff i.e. the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building etc., there are some other - less-well-known things that one should definitely not miss -

The American Museum of Natural History. Aside from the typical fossil bones (you can see Lucy here), gemstones (they have the Star of India), dioramas, and stuffed elephants this museum is home to the Hayden Sphere. I'm kind of a space geek, so I think this is fascinating. The Hayden Sphere is used to give comparative sizes of things in the universe from the infinitesimal to the infinite. Seriously mind-blowing. The rest of the exhibit on the universe is also cool. You can see a self-sustaining eco-system, and see how much you weigh on each planet in the solar system. I also learned that we can only see about 13-billion light years into space, only because that's about how old the universe is. Anything farther away from that can't be seen because the light it emits won't have had enough time to reach Earth. Also, one of my favorite things at the AMNH is the Spectrum of Life - a wall dedicated to biodiversity. It's a small sampling of all the things that live on the Earth. CRAZY AWESOME! Ok, I'm done geeking out.

The Coney Island Side Show. After you ride the Coney Island Cyclone (built in 1927) - which is more intense than it looks and totally worth the $8, and get your famous Nathan's hot dog, take a walk over to the Coney Island museum and see Donny Vomit and Heather Holliday in America's last permanent side-show. It's hilarious, it's inspiring, and it's a whole heck-of-a-lot-of fun!

High Line Park. I think it's my new favorite place in NY. It's a park built on the old, no-longer-used delivery railroad tracks from the early part of the century (The last train ran the track in 1980.) First buy this book: The Curious Garden, then enjoy the park.

Broadway. As far as I'm concerned any trip to NY without a trip to a Broadway show is pointless. This time I around I went to three shows:

Promises Promises starring Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes. The show was fairly mediocre and I think Ms. C. was not on top of her game the night I went, but Sean H was hilarious and at the top of act two we meet a certain lush that completely steals the show. I wouldn't put it at the top of my list, but it was fun to see KC and SH live.

La Cage aux Folles. Hysterically funny. Kelsey Grammar and Tony Award Winner Dustin Hodges were nothing short of spectacular. It's easy to see why this show won so many awards. It was riotously fun. I recommend it to everyone - unless transvestites aren't really your thing.

Billy Elliot. Holy cow what a show. Some amazing talent and awe-inspiring child actors. So much good stuff going on. If you have the chance to see this show - take it. But be warned, there is some strong language.

What to eat:

I have all kinds of recommendations for this city. There is literally so much good food here you could eat at a different place every meal for weeks and still find good things. And I think that's part of the fun - discovering your own favorite places, but here are three of mine you might not want to miss -

Levain Bakery. Best. Cookie. Ever. Seriously. It was the first time in my life when I haven't been able to finish it. That's a good cookie. *If you want a good cookie you can consume en entero, try Jaques Torres.

S'mac. Recommended to me by more than one person - and with good reason. It's a macaroni and cheese restaurant. What more do you need from life? They have a varietous menu and bright orange chairs. Go with a friend and get the sampler.

Jane. Creme Brulee French Toast. Period.

You might also want to visit PB&Co., Dylan's Candy Bar, Crumbs, The Chelsea Market, Magnolia Bakery, Community Food and Juice, Bomboloni, and the Hummus Kitchen.

All in all, a fantastic trip to NY. Can't wait to go again.

**Helpful tips for the traveler: Download the NYC subway map to your hand-held device. It's a lifesaver.

AMNH also has an app. It can tell where you are in the museum and give you directions to anything from exhibits to gift shops to restrooms. Cool.

If you hate people - avoid midtown. Though if you hate people you probably should be visiting NYC.

If you go in the summer, just know it's going to be hot and humid. Prepare for it. And as my friend's father says - make it your friend.

The numbers in addresses don't make any sense and won't be helpful to you. Just be prepared for that.

fanaticism

2010-07-26T13:57:00.004-06:00

I am a fan of:

Giving blood. Love it. I know some people descend into a world of hopeless darkness and fear at the mere mention of needles, but personally it makes me feel good knowing that someone possibly won't die because of me. I gave blood today and found out that my blood is free of some virus that most people apparently have, and is therefore most likely used for children and babies. Happy vibes galore! Plus you get free cookies.

Dessert. I know, right? As my father says, "If it started life as a dough or a batter - I like it." My three favorite sweet treats, in no order of importance, are brownies*, fresh cinnamon rolls**, and cheesecake***. If you ever show up at my house with one of those three things in tow, you'll

probably get me to do whatever you want...within reason...and sometimes without reason. When I become a superhero, my downfall will come about when my arch-

nemesis invents some sort of brownie-sweet roll-cheesecake hybrid. I apologize in advance for letting his nefarious purposes be realized, and the ensuing world dominance and reign of terror, but in that situation I WILL be powerless.

Family. My family is HILARIOUS. Despite the fact that

post-divorce Grandma and Grandpa create some slight awkwardness at family reunions, and the fact that certain members consistently butt heads with certain other members, and the fact that my uncle married a BYU fan (love ya Lis!) there are few people I enjoy spending time with as much - and probably no one I enjoy spending time with more. One of my favorite things to do in the entire world is sit around a campfire with my family and a bag of marshmallows. Ridiculously good times.

Employment. Despite recent evidence to the contrary, I do like being employed. Contributing to society is something I enjoy. And the paycheck doesn't suck. Currently I consider myself an independent contractor. I'm a starving actor looking for his big break. In the meantime I'm looking into set teaching (teaching kids in movies, plays etc.), substitute teaching, educational computer programs companies, and personal travel companion (rates vary, inquire for details). Any leads would be welcome. :)

*I recommend brownies from Great Harvest Bread Co. (you can find the recipe here), or the brownie sundae from either Chili's or TGIFriday's. As for at-home-from-a-box brownies - Ghirardeli is the best.

**Cinnabon has my favorite. Luckily the airport is the only place in Utah where you can get one, so I eat one less than once a year. My heart thanks me daily.

***Cheesecake Factory. Pick your fave, they're all good.

You say, I say

2010-07-16T13:16:00.003-06:00

In my efforts to become a better, more well-balanced, educated, self-sufficient, likable, impressive, life-changing, earth-shattering, influential person, I planted some tomatoes.

Being the green person that I seem to be lately, I repurposed a plastic jug like the kind that house those bio-hazard orange cheese balls they sell at Costco.

(Though it wasn't a cheese-ball container. I kind of think if I ever ate one of those I might spontaneously combust, or grow a third arm or something - which

would be useful, but I still don't think it's worth the risk). I went to the Wal-mart to search for one of those little metal support systems that everyone uses with their tomatoes - but surprise surprise Wal-mart didn't have any...so I improvised. Wooden dowels and pipe-cleaner came in mighty handy.

Now I basically have tomato plants growing out of garbage and supported by more garbage. I feel good about it. In 5-7 weeks I should have some delicious tomatoes to eat. Yay for "urban" gardening!

Pockets

2010-07-09T15:18:00.004-06:00

There are people who I like enough that I want to have a pocket version of them to carry around with me. Then, when I'm having a downer moment I can pull them out of my little pocket and all will be sunshine and rainbows once again.

So, during class today I drew a pocket version of myself. I'm thinking of making copies and distributing them. Let me know if you want one. :)

Also, this kind of makes me want to take an art class.

One Classy Guy

2010-07-01T13:59:00.004-06:00

So...I'm in the throes of achieving life goals and pursuing dreams and changing the world and stuff, and sometimes I just need to pause and laugh at things that cross my path on the way to the top. Por ejemplo - I'm in a class right now about classroom management and student motivation. Here are some excerpts from our textbook:

"The letters that parents receive appear personalized because of word-processing technology."

This book was published in 2008. Really? Word-processing technology? Who doesn't know how to draft a form-letter on the computer?

"A hat dislodged from a student's head during a volleyball game"

This was given as an excuse for the hat rule in dress codes.

Then there's the case study involving a child named "Dick" who says "sh**" during class. Which I find slightly humorous in and of itself. (This book is a bit abrasive with language use in case studies. I makes me smile a bit.) Well, after some argument about the use of proper language use, this knowledgeable educator uses the following relevant example: "It's like belching. Most everyone has a good healthy belch now and then. But most people in our society find other people's belching to be disgusting."

What is this book!? Why did I not have more books like this in college?

Things 6

2010-06-12T13:18:00.002-06:00

Things that sometimes smell like other things:

popcorn

shampoo

sage

beets

pencils

macrame

grandmas

Parting Thoughts

2010-06-06T08:35:00.003-06:00

Friday was the last day of school. As a time-filler/end-of-year activity I gave each of my kids a page of cardstock and had them write their name at the top. We sat in a circle and passed the papers around writing something on every page. Some of these young "yearbook" entries were priceless:

"Your pretty good"

"I still owe you a sneaker"

"John, you're nice and mean, have a good summer."

"Your nice to me and I like that."

"is kind of wird"

And the ultimate:

"You're my best friend in the whole world - Jesus"

Pronounced "Hey-soos", but it's funnier if you don't read it like that.

Things 5

2010-05-25T08:47:00.002-06:00

Things that are black:

my TV remote

my TV

tires

Asian hair

VHS tapes

asphalt

Secret Service vehicles

cast iron

gaff tape

the bottom of the ocean

Gladys Knight

vinyl albums

Dial Tone

2010-05-18T17:39:00.002-06:00

Picture it:

Front seat of the bus. Naugahyde smell, rowdy pre-teens chattering excitedly, morning sun shining brightly over the dew-covered cities of the valley.

Our hapless hero sits happily texting a friend about plans for a future road-trip. Suddenly his phone slips from his fingers. No biggie, right? Normally yes, but today is different. The phone - insert slo-mo sequence - falls to the floor, bounces under the barrier separating the seat from the bus stair-well, clatters down the stairs, and slips through the crack between the stairs and the bus door meeting its doom at 50 mph.

Later, pieces of the phone would be found scattered along the side of the road, where they would be collected and taken to their final resting place - the Verizon Cabinet of Shame.

End-note: Phone warranties do not cover falling out of a bus.

Things 4

2010-05-11T06:52:00.002-06:00

Things I eat on a fairly regular basis:

cereal

soy milk

chocolate

orange juice

home made pizza

potatoes

pasta

Warm Delights

apples

blended fruit smoothie drinks

Twix

brownies

cutie oranges

Things 3

2010-05-01T21:32:00.002-06:00

Things I find hilarious and/or depressing:

Doing a session at the temple and being the only single guy in the room

Being old enough to audition for the part of a father

Having a bald spot

Laura Bedore

Hale Center Theater's lack of chutzpah

Watching my students mark wrong answers I know they know the right answer for

Watching the snow come down on Thursday

Congress

Choose Clean Air

2010-04-29T19:27:00.003-06:00

As a slightly hilarious Earth Day follow up, enjoy the following starring yours truly.

Introductions:

Drive Less:

Drive Smarter:

Gleeful

2010-04-29T16:57:00.001-06:00

I auditioned for GLEE. Check it out:

http://www.myspace.com/gleeauditions?link=10986709

Mother, I love you.

2010-04-23T15:16:00.002-06:00

Though I do love my mom dearly, today I'm channeling my inner hippie to pay tribute to a different mother: Earth.

Yesterday was Earth Day - which is quickly climbing to the top of my list of favorite holidays. We didn't get the day off school, but that doesn't mean we didn't celebrate. We started potato sprouts (with supplies I bought that morning and carried to my car in my reusable shopping bag), learned about the water cycle, watched some amazing footage from Planet Earth, and cleaned up the trash off the playground.

Once home I planted some seeds in a couple of flower pots I own, and one I made from an old milk carton.

*imminent soap box approaching*

100 years ago there were about 2 Billion people on Earth. Today there are nearly 7 Billion. In the next 40 years that will increase to over 9 Billion. That's a lot of people. And we're making a big dent. Last year our field trip was to the Landfill. We learned that landfills are designed to hold 12 year's worth of trash and we're filling them up in 5. Yikes.

This is a pretty fascinating look at some worldwide stastistics. Some of them are kind of scary. To sum up some of the more interesting stats - The world population increases by about 3 people every second, there are more overweight people than undernourished people in the world (about a billion of each), Earth has traveled about 290,000,000 km so far this year, there have been 2.2 billion Google searches today, there are appx. 15,000 days til all the oil on Earth runs out (that's about 40 years), the average temperature on the planet is 14.5 degrees Celsius (58.1 F), and so far today - it's about 5:20 - world governments have spent $6.3 Billion on healthcare - yep that's just today. There really are lots of other neato statistics on there, so take a look.

Anyway, in celebration of our planet, here are some easy things you can do to go green and make a difference:

Energy-efficient light bulbs

Recycle Electronics

Do full loads of laundry, and wash clothes in cold water

Support local farmers

Install a low-flow shower head

Walk or bike to work

Fix a leaky faucet

Let Your Grass Grow*

Make your own cleaning products

Turn lights, electronics, and appliances off when you're not using them

Buy reusable shopping bags and water bottles

Reuse or recycle plastic bags, bottles, and cartons

Have an energy audit done on your home

And my personal favorite of the day:

Remember - Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. Go Earth!

*Spending less time tending to your actually makes it greener -- in every sense of the word. Most grass species fare best when they're kept at least 2 1/2 inches tall. The length creates more surface area to absorb sunlight, which creates thicker turf and deeper roots, which means you won't need to water as often. Save money by letting grass clippings remain on your lawn; it adds nitrogen and discourages weed seeds from germinating. You'll need less fertilizer and herbicide. Plus, leaving clippings on lawns means less in landfills; in 2005 Americans disposed of more than 12 million tons of yard waste.

Things 2

2010-04-20T18:31:00.003-06:00

Things I love to do:

Sing in the shower

Eat brownies out of the pan

Nap

Get a massage

Read

Laugh

Play juicy characters on stage

Shop for children's books

Make fun of movies

Walk in good weather

Wear cardigans

People watch

Things 1

2010-04-17T00:51:00.000-06:00

Things I don't have time to do:

Write this blog entry.

The wind-up, and....

2010-04-13T19:20:00.002-06:00

6 months ago I started on a rather overly-ambitious dating journey. It's gone by quick, and actually been pretty awesome.

I ended up with 14 dates. Some were more applicable to the purpose of dating than others, but overall I'd say an average of one date every two weeks is nothing to sneeze at. I didn't make my goal, but I did meet some amazing people, and got off my duff which, really, was the purpose of the experiment.

Yay dating!

The Circle of Life

2010-03-30T22:24:00.012-06:00

Duncan died.

Not sure what happened. He's been acting a little lethargic lately, and when I got to school on Monday he was dead. So there it is.

And what else am I supposed to do but have a funeral service with my students?

For safety reasons I'm not including my favorite picture which includes my kids standing around Duncan's coffin putting on their saddest faces. Just know that it was super adorable and entirely hilarious.

So, here's what went down:

After recess we gathered in the front of the school outside our classroom window. I dug a small hole and placed Duncan in it.

Then I had the kids all line up,

take a handful of dirt, say their

goodbye, and throw the dirt in the hole. This was actually kind of tender.

I finished burying Duncan and one of the kids suggested that we sing something. We sang the only song I believed to be appropriate to the situation - The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

I told my kids on Monday that Duncan had gone the way of all the Earth, and on Tuesday morning one of my girls brought me a card. I thought it was an early birthday card, but upon opening it later that evening, I found this:

The inside reads, "Someone so much a part of us is never really gone." With the personal message, "mr.B I am sorry we lost Dunckenwe will miss him Love M."

I almost fell on the floor. SO FUNNY! My kids kill me.

Half-way there!

2010-03-30T21:58:00.002-06:00

Date Number:

The girl: B-wo!!!
The connection: So many, really...
The setting: The WV Hales.
The plot: The Hales has a little-known, unadvertised Sunday fireside that they do on occasion. I have a couple of friends in the show so I took another friend - namely the inimitable B-wo - to the show to support our friends in this most churchy of shows.

B-wo is involved in theater out-of-state for the summer so she was at a meeting out-of-town and met me at the theater.

Sometimes, as an actor, I forget that when watching religiously themed shows I have to take off my actor glasses and put on my spiritual glasses. That's especially hard when I'm seeing it with another actor, and when I have actor friends in the show, so the actor glasses were on. It was quite the show. They only put it on about once a month, so it's not a very fresh show. There were lots of moments where B-wo and I sat there thinking, "Come one guys, line! LINE!!!" It was pretty funny. An excellent bonding moment for sure. I could go on for pages about the unbelievability of the plot, the less-than stellar acting, etc. but we'll just say the show had a good message. :)

Funny moment: When our friend in the show said something entirely hilarious and B-wo and I were the only two people laughing. I love it when that happens.

Lucky...or not...

2010-03-20T15:20:00.002-06:00

Date Number:

The girl: M
The connection: We both know my brother.
The setting: The WV Hales.
The plot: We went to Fiddler On the Roof at Hale Theater. I have a few friends in the show, and know a few people at the theater, so that was an interesting experience for a blind date. I realized a ways into the whole Hale experience how arrogant it might seem to take someone unknowingly into a situation like that. Probably not something I'll do again. However, M played it off with panache and understanding - suggesting that we should have worn VIP badges so we could get free soda.

M went to SUU and met my bro in the fraternity/sorority circles and they became fast friends, so my bro decided he should line us up. M is currently student teaching and hopes to either teach 1st or 4th grade next year. That gave us plenty to talk about and we had a great time. She's a great conversationalist, and one hilarious person. She also happens to live in the SE corner of the valley, so I didn't get home from this date until almost 11:30. Woot! Gotta love that.

Favorite moment: M randomly busted out a pop quiz on me. HILARIOUS!!! It was only one question - which I can't recall at the moment - but I vowed then and there to start giving people pop quizzes. So be prepared. :)

Note from a student

2010-03-20T15:16:00.002-06:00

"please make us do more math. but a tip not to much cause then my head well die."

Noted.

Um....uh....B! B!

2010-02-18T17:24:00.003-07:00

Matching game!

1. Distributive Property of Multiplication

2. Associative Property of Multiplication

3. Commutative Property of Multiplication

4. Identity Property of Multiplication

5. Identity Property of Addition

6. Zero Property of Multiplication

a. 7 X 1 = 7

b. 0 X 4 = 0

c. 8 X 7 X 2 = 2 X 8 X 7

d. 16 + 0 = 16

e. 6(9 + 3) = (6 X 9) + (6 X 3)

f. 5 X 4 = 4 X 5

Yep. Now try teaching that to an 8-yr-old.

Or a moment like this...

2010-02-04T19:33:00.002-07:00

Int. Classroom. Mr. B sharpens pencils whilst Mrs. L prepares small group math materials at the back table.

Enter Mrs. D with child (J) in-tow. J was cleaning scuff marks off the floor in the hallway for some minor indiscretion and was caught by his mother - Mrs. D.

"Mr. B, I am sorry for what J has done."

"Oh, I didn't tell him to clean..."

"It's okay. J, come here. Sit on my lap."

Mr. B continues to sharpen pencils.

Mrs. D proceeds to spank J.

Mr. B continues to sharpen pencils, at a loss for what to do as he is taken completely by surprise.

And.....scene!

Possibly the most awkward moment of my short educational career. I don't presume to know much about parenting, but I'm fairly certain that's not the best disciplinary strategy...

A moment like this...

2010-02-01T17:42:00.001-07:00

Me: We're going to read "How to Eat Fried Worms" then, if you get more points than me on the scoreboard we'll watch the movie, and I'll bring fried worms for everyone to try.

M: I'm allergic to worms.

Me: *eye roll*

J: I'm allergic to soap.

R: I'm allergic to Journey! *air guitar*

One Dozen!

2010-01-31T16:08:00.002-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: B-wo. Dancer, actress, vocalist, student, and all-around hilarious person.
The connection: See date #7
The setting: O-rem
The plot: B came to my show Saturday and afterward we traveled on down to UVU to join some friends of ours and see a another friend from Dolly in a production of Urinetown. Honestly - top 5 funniest shows I have ever seen. It wasn't just the show itself - which is riotously funny - but the direction, the design, and the performers were all incredible. B and I were both laughing our heads off. It was great. We went to Applebees after. I think I spend too much time at Applebees. Just sayin'.
Funny: The show. Also, the fact that the hostess at AB sat us down, but forgot to inform a waiter that we were there. We had to wave one over.

Inner Geek

2010-01-22T18:11:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I'm kind of a geek. But who isn't at times? I find this intensely fascinating and completely mind-boggling:

The 11th hour...

2010-01-19T19:37:00.003-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: M
The connection: She's my cousin! Now before you freak out and think I've gone all British Aristocracy on you, I made a concerted effort to find a non-immediately related girl to take, but ended up not being able to, so I took my cousin instead. It's a cousin-date, a "stale" date as my friend puts it, but a date nonetheless, I'm counting it.
The setting: The SLC
The plot: We went to the Olive Garden for dinner and had some delicious food, then to the Opera! Carmen was playing. My friend works for the Utah Symphony and Opera doing their publications, so she hooked me up with some sweet tickets down in the orchestra. It was pretty awesome. It was the first time at the opera for both me and M, and after 4 acts, 2 intermissions and a short set-change break, we ended up rather enjoying the whole thing.
Funny: All the people at the opera. Old women dressing like they're not-so-old, lots of sparkles, pharmacy professors with their spouses, the man with the extremely bad dye job (a lady overheard me commenting on it and said "That's where bad shitzus go to die." Laughter ensued.)
Funny, but awkward: I saw a friend of mine there and smacked his butt to get his attention without him seeing me. He didn't react at all. Then he finally turned around and kind of seemed like he didn't recognize me, but he laughed about it anyway. I had to run to get parking validation, so we couldn't talk long and it was kind of awkward. We ended up catching up after the show, but still - awkward.

Hamilton

2010-01-12T19:37:00.002-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: G.
The connection: Family friend of a theater friend of mine.
The setting: P-town.
The plot: This was kind of adventurous, but more on that later.
We went to the CES fireside at the Marriott Center with all those crazy Mormons down there. It was a pretty good fireside. Elder Anderson spoke on spiritual upkeep. I mostly just watched all the crazy people around us. I tend to do things like that when speakers aren't absurdly engaging. Anyway, after the fireside we went to my friend K's for brownies. K doubled with us with a girl from his ward.
G is a native of Indiana, and is here debating studying musical education, or musical therapy. I think that's pretty cool. She's a youngin' so she's just getting going on that whole college experience. Good times. She's also not used to Utah winters, and is in for quite a surprise when the snow lasts until May.
Anyway, the adventure came as I called G to get her address just before the fireside and she didn't answer. For a minute I thought I might be going solo with K and his date.
Now that I read through that it was a lot more adventurous in the moment than it is in writing.
Gross: The view of the Salt Lake Valley shrouded in, as a good friend of mine refers to it, the "hellacious soul-sucking inversion" as I rounded point-of-the-mountain.
Fun: Looking at the fun snowflakes that K's absurdly talented artist roommate made. He might be putting out a book someday, so look for that.

Georgia on my mind, along with some other stuff...

2010-01-12T19:26:00.003-07:00

-Why would a bus ever think it's ok to drive in the fast lane?

-I may, at some point, experience an emotional breakdown sometime before June. If this occurs, and you happen to be with me, please just laugh.

-I like the concept of easels, but I don't know that I'd ever utilize one.

-I prefer showering in the morning.

-I've been craving a sweet roll.

-I forgot how expensive college books can be. :(

-I like motivational quotes.

-I think it's absurdly important, when one is busy, to make sure and have some relaxation time. Even if it's just a little bit.

-I think it's awkward to shorten the word "vegitate". How does one spell that? Veg doesn't work, and I think vej is confusing. What's a boy to do?

-Syllabus is a funny word. It sounds like a fun mode of public transportation.

-I wonder if I went to the Mac store and pretended to be debating between a regular macbook and a macbook pro - even though I'm really planning on the macbook pro - they'd throw in a free nano or something just to sway me...

Happy is as Happy does

2009-12-31T00:00:00.005-07:00

My third year in Salt Lake has come to an end, and let me say that it's been a ridiculously crazy three years. At the end of it all, though, I am as happy as a clam (which according to a friend is about an 8 on the happiness scale) and perhaps even a little happier. Despite life's best efforts to get me down, things are downright fantastic. I couldn't ask for more than I have. I'm a little wiser than I once was, and I think I'm a better person after it all. And I guess that's what really matters isn't it? So, here's this year's list of what brought me to clam status on the happy scale:

-getting out of school early

-days during the winter when even a jacket is not required

-having big plans

-coloring

-biting into a fresh crunchy apple and having a huge chunk break off

-spur of the moment vacations
-Tally Hall
-traditions
-auditions
-fruitions
-free food
-gift cards
-spring
-pirates
-homemade stuff
-rings
-excellent weather
-bare feet
-applause
-killer parts in awesome shows
-Applebee's half-priced appetizers
-walking around looking at cool architecture in old neighborhoods
-unexpected giddiness
-the symphony
-singing
-wall vinyl
-mismatched Christmas tree ornaments that still mesh well
-flavored lemonade
-shopping carts
-good story tellers
-slippery sheets
-kitchen science
-alphabet books
-children's books
-when it's so hot outside that the tar on the blacktop squishes under my shoes
-MLIA
-pumpkin spice steamers from Starbucks
-when my tarantula Duncan catches a cricket
-nephews
-cardigans
-Glee
-soup
-Estelle
-paper snowflakes
-show people
-chips and salsa
-days off
-snuggies
-the bedazzler
-crazy life-changing decisions
-grammar (don't judge)
-British accents
-Google docs
-mixin' it up
-the ghost of Christmas yet to come
-dance parties
-following your gut
-rehearsal
-J. Crew

Novena

2009-12-25T19:38:00.003-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: D.
The connection: My dad's office manager's cousin. Yep. She's wanted to set us up for years, and it just happened to work out this time.
The setting: McDonald's in Richfield. (Don't judge, there aren't many places to go in Richfield)
The plot: This was a quick, getting to know you kind of date. We shared an order of french fries while playing several rounds of speed and chatting. Simple, short, delightful. She's from that area of Utah as well. We know lots of the same people (she's actually met my sister and my sister-in-law), but we've never met. She currently lives in St. George, enjoys reading, and is considering returning to school.
Funny: The fact that there were all of 2 people in McDonald's at the time we went, and it was still like pulling teeth to get someone to take our order or give us ketchup.
Something in common: Aside from growing up in a small town, she also did theatrical things in high school. Always a fun subject to talk about.

Starving Artist

2009-12-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, you'll note here that one of my goals in life is to be in a movie. And more than just as an extra. To that end, I have acquired an agent. I affectionately call here Estelle in tribute to Joey Tribbiani's agent. She actually reminds me of a mix of Estelle and Dolly Parton. I think she is hugely entertaining.

She sent me to an audition for a hockey referee - which many of you will think is hilarious, as I did - for this film. If nothing else it was a good experience. Plus, the scandalous boyfriend from Charly was there. He was auditioning for the same role as me. I figure that makes me locally famous by association.

There's also a project being filmed right here in Salt Lake City. It's called "Immortality Bites" - a vampire comedy. Last night I was an extra (apparently the new PC term is "background artist", personally I prefer "film parsley") in a frat-house scene. Basically what happened is I waited four hours in a chilly house (people kept coming in and out, so it never got warm) so that I could sit in the background at a table with two Russians for about 20 minutes eating soggy cheerios. Should anyone see the movie, and if the scene makes the final cut, and if you can actually see me, I'm in the kitchen during the beer pong scene eating a bowl of soggy cheerios and practicing my cursive.

So there it is. On the road to stardom. More to come on this subject shortly. Stay tuned. :)

A note...

2009-12-17T07:09:00.002-07:00

Dear directors of the world,

Please, on behalf of the sanity of actors everywhere, don't expound. When you give us notes, just give the note, have a little trust, and let us go. We don't need flowery explanations, founts of knowledge regarding motivation or background reasoning, and we certainly don't want our time wasted, or yours. Clear, concise, short. Words to live by.

Sincerely,
The actors of the world.

ocho

2009-12-12T19:13:00.004-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: Sara. Now for those of you who are thinking "Wahoo!! That's like 5 dates!!! Get 'r done!!!" I'm going to tell you what I tell my students several times a day - chill out. Also, this might be a good opportunity to let you know a little bit more about Sara. She works with...kids who just don't get life. She just started a master's program for secondary education. She enjoys dancing, hot chocolate, and small amounts of straight eggnog - which I don't judge her for, but which I also don't understand.
The setting: My house.
The plot: Paper snowflakes - it had been a while since she'd made one, so I showed her how. Fun times. We also made flying paper lanterns. This is something I wanted to try with my class (we ended up not doing it) and maybe something I'd like to start as a new Christmas tradition. You make them out of tissue paper, and then put something one fire underneath it and, in theory, it floats like a hot air balloon. You can find instructions here. And a pretty cool video of the effect here. Ours didn't work so well. Sara's fell prey to the snow just outside the door, and I think it might have been too cold for mine to actually lift off, but it was just a first attempt, and we had fun making them. :) We followed all of that up with some mad Xanadu action. Probably the worst movie ever, but highly entertaining.
Hilarious: Xanadu. Yep.
Surprising: How easy it actually is to make a paper lantern that will fly. Seriously.
Cool: Actual snowflakes.

Lucky number 7

2009-12-12T18:56:00.003-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: B Wo - one of my favorite friends from Hello Dolly. She's currently attending the school down south in the MDT program, has an abundance of dancing talent, an amazing voice, and just enough attitude to keep things interesting. :)
The connection: Hello Dolly. We were "shuffle across the stage" partners. Every night it was interesting to see who was more out of breath at that point in the show. Good times.
The setting: The house of a mutual friend (MF) in P-town.
The plot: This was a group date. B Wo and I were joined by MF (who is currently in Earnest with me at Hale) and her BF, and my friend K (friend from Disney days) with his date L (who was sadly on crutches in the snow because of knee problems. We felt for her). We watched the First Presidency devotional on Channel 5 while taking talking and stretching breaks during the choir numbers to try and wake ourselves back up. We love some FP, but their voices are so soothing that sometimes it's hard to stay alert. We ate some delicious treats provided by MF, and played a round of apples to apples. Most of us are show people, as you can probably tell from the picture.
Funny: What the women of the choir were wearing. Appliqued blue caftan-like dresses. We decided that the oldest woman in the choir was given the honor of deciding the wardrobe, and it passes down to the next oldest as people leave - for whatever reason.
Fun: Picking out our standard Mo-tab favorites. i.e. the token black man and Asian woman, the woman with the white hair etc.
Surprising: The new black woman in the choir. None of us had ever seen her before.

Just...ya know...some stuff

2009-12-12T18:23:00.002-07:00

Online sticker chart

My Life is Average

Funny e-cards

Cool magazine

Cheezy sci-fi movies make me laugh.

My Christmas tree looks magical.

I almost made it to Christmas break without getting sick. I consider that a small miracle.

My lovesac may or may not currently be the most heavenly place in the world for a nap.

I think this might be genius.

And I feel like my dating life should somehow lead to a moment like this:

half a dozen

2009-12-05T16:46:00.005-07:00

Date Number:

The girl: M
The connection: Mutual actress friend
The setting: Conference Center
The plot: She met me at the ticket office to go see a performance of Savior of the World. I didn't get a picture because I figured I'd get one after the show, but I forgot because of the show. I'm not really a cookie-cutter spiritually blatant Mormon-type Mormon. You know the type, they go to BYU, memorize talks by the general authorities, buy BOM-themed games and the prophet face cards. They wear khakis and polo shirts and will probably go to dental school. But I have to say, the show was pretty awesome. It tells the story of Christ's birth and resurrection. Act I is the story of his birth, Act II is the story of his resurrection. Pretty straight-forward. I must say I was a little skeptical, but by intermission both M and I were wiping away the tears and making jokes about how they need to install Kleenex boxes on the arm-rests. Act II was equally moving. I won't go into details, but it really makes you stop and think, and can give you an interesting perspective on things. Definitely worth going to.
Props: SOTW cast. They performed admirably, and even stood out in the cold to greet their adoring audience after the show.
Surprising: The number of people they fit on that stage. Leave it to the church to take "cast of thousands" literally.
Business idea: Armrest Kleenex holders.

Ha ha ha ha hm.....

2009-12-03T22:11:00.006-07:00

I think it's funny when:

Guys watch themselves working out in the mirror at the gym.
Kids get educational songs stuck in their heads.
My school's internet filter won't let a page through because it's "dubious/unsavory".
People drive 30 mph on the freeway in their SUV during a light snowstorm.
You fall asleep for a power nap and wake up several hours later.

Personality types of people I know that bug me to death:

-The one-upper. One of my students is kind of a one-upper. *eye twitch*
-The "I've been home from my mission for years, but I'm still not home from my mission". Akin to the one-upper, but specific to the country of the mission.
-The aspirer. This person wants to be in the position of the authority figure currently over them and acts as if they already are.
-The vicarious liver. Usually someone too old to be doing what you're doing, so they try to get you to do it the way they would.

People who need people...

2009-11-28T12:30:00.002-07:00

Call me crazy, but I LOVE crowds. Love 'em.

I love things like busy amusement parks, midnight movies, Black Friday, and the ward jell-o cook-off. If there are going to be tons of people there, sign me up!

I always hear people say things like "You won't see me out there!" or "That place is a zoo! There's no way I'm going!" or "Grandma's teeth fell out again!" And I don't understand it.

Don't get me wrong, I hate traffic, finding a parking place, and waiting in long lines, but I love the excitement and energy that surround a churning crowd of people - the possibility that something insane is going to happen. I love people watching and the more people there are, the more crazies there are bound to be - especially when the crowd is summoned by some special event like a movie opening, a renaissance faire, or free sample Saturday down to the Costco.

I thrive off that kind of thing. Love it. Deal.

Last night my bed called me Gaylord

2009-11-15T01:34:00.005-07:00

Date(s) #5...and possibly 6/7

The girl(s): Sara...and Leah...and Tara...
So Leah, Tara, and my friend Melissa* thought it would be funny to "set me up" on a date, and then when I showed up it would be the three of them. Hilarious. But, Melissa ended up not being able to go. I was going to ask another girl, but it turns out she has a boyfriend, and is only 19 (to which I am slightly morally opposed), so I asked Sara.
The setting: Downtown SLC
The plot: Sara and I had a delightful dinner at Settebello, where her father randomly appeared while picking up dinner for himself and Sara's mom. We enjoyed caprese, pizza, and some gelato.
Then we headed to meet Tara and Leah at "Bravo Broadway" with the Utah Symphony at Abravanel Hall. Melissa works for the Symphony and Opera and kindly provided tickets. The show was fairly amazing. It's been a while since I've listened to a live symphony. I miss it.
Funny: Oh where do I begin? Let's start after the show. Upon arriving at my car to take Sara home, we discovered that it wouldn't start. We thought it might just be the battery petering out, so we called Tara and Leah to come help. They kindly did, and we discovered that it was not, in fact, the battery. My car was leaking gas all over the place (not constantly, just when I turned the power on). Well, Leah has AAA, so she called them up to get a tow truck. Turns out, if there's a puddle of gas, AAA won't come to tow the car unless the fire department has checked the area to make sure it's safe. Yep, we were just as confused as you.
Enter the SLCFD. We called them up to come check it out. The lady on the phone was just as confused as the rest of us, but was kind enough to send help - after a lengthy list of questions about the situation (Leah wanted me to request attractive firemen, but somehow I didn't think that would lend to our credibility). We stood out on the sidewalk in front of the parking lot waiting to flag down whoever might be coming when we heard sirens a short distance away. Don't worry, they were for us. The fire engine arrived to save the day - sirens blaring, and lights flashing. And Leah was not disappointed in the crew manning said engine. They poured some sand on the gas, disconnected the battery in my car, and confirmed to AAA that the situation was not dire, before driving off into the sunset (figuratively speaking of course, as it was now about 11:30).
The tow truck arrived a little after midnight and Mike kindly loaded up poor Charley and took him away. Thank you AAA!
At this point we were all freezing and figured we needed something to commemorate this occasion, so we headed to Denny's for some hot chocolate and other ridiculous sorts of merriment. I paid the check (thus dates 6 and 7), and Tara drove everyone home - including my date. *sigh*
Although the situation sucks, all we could do was laugh as we stood rather helplessly in the parking lot freezing our toes off.
Many thanks to Leah, AAA, Mike, The SLCFD, Denny's, Tara, my uncle Gary, Melissa, and Leah's friend Dave who all contributed to the success of the night's adventure.
Best Characters: The random lady who was exiting AH as we were entering and said to me, "Hey! I've seen you at Hales!" Sara and I laughed awkwardly, confirmed her statement and made a hasty entrance into the building to enjoy the giant sculpture in the lobby.
The fire chief who whistled for his crew to come over for the picture, then stood to the side and watched.
Future Dates: Postponed until my car is fixed.

*This post dedicated to Melissa, and the Stake Musical Review "Through Different Eyes."

Quad

2009-11-12T22:54:00.001-07:00

The girl: Sarita. It's been quite some time since I've taken a single girl (meaning single as in one girl, not single as in not married) on this many dates, but I rather enjoy Sara, so we're just gonna see what happens.
The setting: My School
The plot: She came to help me with my after-school book club. These were my more gifted boys. They'd read a book called "101 Things to Do Before You Grow Up". It included cool stuff like how to run a clock on lemonade, how to make a boomerang, and how to hypnotize someone. Due to poor planning on my part, we ended up making kites out of garbage bags (yes, it was in the book), and it was actually pretty fun. The boys loved it anyway, even though there was quite a lack of wind that day.
After kites, we went for ice cream at Cold Stone. It's a personal, and mutual favorite. :)
Funny: How many of my boys couldn't tie a simple knot. Also, the lady at Cold Stone who walked in, got a sample, and left.
Curbside Service: Check
Future Dates: Stay tuned

Tres

2009-11-08T15:55:00.002-07:00

The girl: Sara, again. :)

The setting: South-central Salt Lake Valley (where there is a dearth of ice cream shops, just FYI)
The plot: We started the evening with a little racquetball. I didn't get any pictures, which is probably best for all parties concerned. Just imagine two people who are rhythmically blessed, but sort of athletically challenged trying to hit a small ball around a small enclosed room, with only one florescent light trying its hardest to light their shenanigans, and you've pretty much got the idea. That was followed by a merciful trip home to shower and eat. Then we met up for a movie. I won't tell you which movie because some of you would judge me. :P But I brought pumpkin spice frappuccinos from Starbucks (No, they don't have coffee. Stop judging already.) and a pumpkin cream cheese muffin.
Funny: Watching us play racquetball (read Sara's account), Me being late for racquetball because I trust the grid system too much, and basically the entire movie.
Weird: Families at the movie.
3rd Date: Don't mind if I do.

Chastity, Chocolate, and Cheers

2009-11-08T08:47:00.015-07:00

Recall for a moment, if you will, something I posted about a month ago regarding chastity, how much it can sometimes suck, and how un-celebrated - and in fact often mocked - it is.

Enter the 1st Annual Chastity Celebration.

"Congratulations! You did it! (By not doing it.)"

A remedy for the vacuum of virtue. A quenching nectar on the barren plains of purity. A ray of light in the abyss of abstinence. A veritable beacon of hope for the weary soldiers of celibacy.

A bunch of us decided that Chastity really is something worth celebrating, and that we should get some recognition, or at least a piece of cake/commemorative wooden craft for our years of effort in remaining morally clean. And that's just what we did.

Imagine a bunch of twenty-somethings - all virgins (as far as we know) - gathering to have as good a time as possible, and you'll end up with an evening like we had. It went off like a dream. As the initiator of the event, I couldn't have hoped for anything better. There was a table full of delicious creations of every kind (two better-than-sex cakes! - also known as "better than some sex cake," "better than blessings cake," and "better than Tom Cruise cake"), a paper-doll chastity belt design competition, a reflections contest, a white-elephant style gift exchange of immense hilarity (everyone brought a gift representing what chastity meant to them. Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while), and a spontaneous code phrase "This is so good!" (Anytime someone said the phrase, we'd all yell "Chastity is my favorite!")

Here are some of the evening's highlights:

The Spread

It's kind of a blurry picture, but you get the idea. This is just one table. On the kitchen counter we also had egg rolls, a chocolate fountain (which didn't work for some reason. Feel free to read irony in to that event somehow), cheese breadsticks, and a veggie tray.

The gifts

There were many other hilarious gifts - Janice Kapp Perry tapes, pants (if you're wearing pants, you'll probably be chaste), a Finding Nemo can (avoid the swimmers) each representing what people thought about chastity. They were so creative and hilarious. These were the ones I got pictures of.

The Chastity Belts

The Chastity Belt Winners
Third Place: Kevin Neff with the VL warrior
Second Place: Charisse Baxter with Chastity Belt Disguise. Underneath is Rosanne Arnold.
First Place: Nate Bohnam with poison oak. Cheap and effective.

Nate with his winning entry, and first prize commemorative wooden craft!

Reflections

Our theme this first time around was "Chastity is..." We did it old-school reflections style. Just express how you feel about chastity in whatever medium best suits you. We had quite a few entries - pictures, poems, drawings, collages etc. Unfortunately the only one I got a picture of was the winner:

Tara Osborn with "Chastity is...a bitch." And her First place commemorative wooden craft.
Second place was a list of what chastity meant to the author by one Jamie Su'a
Third place - a drawing, on a cell phone, of a woman with hairy legs.

Other favorite entries included:
Melissa Singleton "Chastity is hard. Hard like this rock (insert illustration of a rock). But I rock it."
Charisse Baxter with a Haiku:
Chastity - Just do
It, but not like that. I mean
Just don't do it (yet).

Overall a fantastic night. Thanks to everyone who came and participated. Everyone who couldn't make it - be jealous, and clear the first weekend in November next year.

(we don't get the whole fireworks show, but we can still have sparks!)

Segundo

2009-10-28T16:45:00.005-06:00

Date #2

The girl: E (I've decided, for the safety and well-being of those I date to just go with an initial here from this point forward. Sorry Sara!)
The setting: Foothill Library
The connection: Friend of Felicity
The plot: I picked E up from her apartment in the south end of the valley and we proceeded to the north end of the valley for some hot beverages and an art-ish exhibit. I couldn't find a Starbucks, so unfortunately we weren't able to enjoy a pumpkin steamer, but we did get some hot chocolate and added pumpkin spice flavored coffee creamer - completely delightful. We enjoyed an art exhibit at the Foothill Library consisting of blown-up Polaroid pictures that the guy had altered with toothpicks and needles and the like before they were completely developed (actually pretty cool). Then we wandered upstairs to read a couple of children's books (Trouble Gum; and The Magical, Mystical, Marelous Coat - both completely delightful) before heading home for the evening.
The commonalities: teaching, reading youth fiction, high school band/orchestra
Funny: When we got to the library, the room where the exhibit was housed was closed and looked dark. But the door wasn't locked, so we just sort of let ourselves in and turned on the lights. Nobody stopped us.
Second date: cute girl, we had a nice time, but probably not.

It begins

2009-10-17T15:16:00.006-06:00

The girl - Sara

The setting - Downtown Farmer's Market at Pioneer Park
The connection - Hello Dolly at Hale Theatre. My first really solid memory of Sara involves her putting her entire arm in the billowing, lacy sleeve of her costume - which only came down to her elbow (the sleeve, not the costume) - and then us discussing the effect of a lost arm on the show's choreography. She's pretty much just fantastic. I've actually been meaning to take her out for a while, but I'm kind of lazy, so it just never happened.
The plot - We took pictures, listened to the stomping ukulele player, had amazing pesto sandwiches (incidentally we were disappointed that the place making the sandwiches didn't offer their fantastic-sounding almond shake today) - which we ate with her parents who happened to also be lunching at the market. Farmer's markets are some of the most prime people-watching experiences you'll ever have. I highly recommend them. After that we roamed on up to Hatch Family Chocolates for a pumpkin milkshake, a short walk, and an amazing conversation. I can't speak for Sara, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Funny - The muttering man we kept running into, dread-lock mullet, bottle-cap magnet sayings. "Sarcasm, now offered all day"
Second date - plausible.

It also happened that a friend of mine, Carrie Scott, was singing with her band at the Market this morning. I bought her CD, because she's kind of amazing. What's really cool about Carrie, though, is that she has a blog - Flirty and Thirty - documenting her own dating adventure: Thirty first dates in honor of her 30th birthday. Good times.

27 dates by 27

2009-10-12T20:08:00.001-06:00

There are exactly 27 weeks until my 27th birthday. In honor of this oh-so-numerical occasion, I've decided to get in 27 dates by my 27th birthday (technically by the 27th birthday week - my birthday's on Monday, and that might be cutting it a bit close), and I need your help. I know my fair share of women, but the majority of them don't fall into the "date" category. So it's time for all of you to pull out your little black books and help a brother out.

Here are the rules:

1 - I guarantee a first date, but nothing beyond that. That doesn't mean it won't happen, I just don't guarantee it.

2 - She needs to be single (obviously), a natural-born female (you laugh, but I have stories), active LDS (the time for recreational dating has passed), and legal (more stories...)

3 - I'd prefer you use a measuring stick beyond "Hey, she's single!" - i.e. she enjoys MST3K, she speaks Spanish, she's interested in the finer points of brownie baking - but I won't be picky.

4 - A date might consist of anything from the standard dinner and a show, to a walk through the park. I have a pretty full schedule, so an hour here or there may be all I can get in.

And that's about it. I'll be blogging about my experiences on these dates, and I may end up being brutally honest. Don't take it personally, just know that she wasn't the one for me - nor I for her. That's how dating works. However I'll try to be tactful and only include relevant, and hilarious information.

If you have someone, shoot me an email, and we'll work it out.

Let the games begin.

*addendum: I believe in the guy taking initiative and planning and paying and all that - perfect, I'm down with that; however, I also know that dating involves two people (dating is a verb - action word, something you do, not something done to you), so I am of the strong opinion that girls should have some input, and should be involved in the date, not simply show up, so on the date I might show up with a couple of options and let her help decide what we do. Just don't want anyone to be caught off guard.

Aspiring Artists

2009-10-10T09:44:00.003-06:00

I love seeing children that have supportive, encouraging parents. Whenever I'm at Barnes & Noble and I see parents buying their kids books, or reading with their kids, my heart warms and I know that somehow, the world is going to be ok.

Case in point. I stumbled across this - four kids who have a blog! Their dad helps out. Seriously? Awesome. I most enjoyed this post. The blog is mostly about the kid's artwork - of which they apparently do a lot, and at which are kind of ridiculously talented - and this particular post is an anniversary celebration where they invited people to pick a favorite picture from over the years and do their interpretation. They got feedback from some amazing artists. It was fun to see what people did with the kid's work.

Hooray for involved parents!

And a special shout-out to my own parents. They were always amazingly and selflessly supportive of their children. Thanks for letting us explore and become the people we are!

Ch-ch-chastity

2009-10-08T22:44:00.000-06:00

An inspirational message from a friend of a friend:

A long-running inside joke emerged within my district in the MTC the day we started practicing to teach about the law of chastity.

Under normal circumstances, of course, chastity is no laughing matter. But when a blushing elder bears his testimony of the sacred law of self-denial by blurting out, for lack of a more, ahem, voluptuous Japanese vocabulary, “Chastity is my favorite!” I think we can all be forgiven for finding the whole thing a little funny.

Particularly because I don’t think many people would list a chaste and celibate life among their favorite things in the history of ever and, speaking from long-suffering personal experience, I can tell you that chastity gets harder and harder to like the longer it sticks around.

Now, before I am misunderstood, let me say that I am fully aware of, and grateful for, the blessings that come from saving myself for The One and Only. (Or George Clooney. Whoever comes knocking first.) The spiritual and emotional toll of illicit intimacy is certainly a higher price than I am willing to pay. But still. I can’t help feeling that I am suffering in virtuous virginity without the recognition that such a feat deserves.

Think about it.

We get certificates for memorizing the Articles of Faith, sew-on patches for learning how to tie knots and pendants, statues and courts of honor for accomplishing every goal on a predetermined list. But the honor of chastity? Not even a commemorative wooden craft or a pat on the back.

Or, think about this.

We go to great lengths to celebrate the simple act of turning one year older, which requires significantly less willpower (as in none) than decades of physical restraint. And yet, when is the last time you baked someone a chastity cake? I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable to suggest that a 30-year-old virgin get at least that.

We celebrate all kinds of milestones and accomplishments, both in and out of the church, and yet that high covenant of chastity, the violation of which is second only in gravity to murder (murder!) gets nothing. So instead of rejoicing together in the blessings of obedience and discipline, chastity often becomes a source of embarrassment, no matter how in but not of the world you are trying to be.

I never feel this more acutely than on my annual visit to the lady doctor. The conversation usually goes something like this.

Her: Are you married or in a relationship?
Me: Nope.
Her: Are you sexually active?
Me: No.
Her: Have you ever been?
Me: No.
Her: Do you drink?
Me: No.
Her: Smoke?
Me: No.
Her: Drugs?
Me: No.
Her: Do you wear your seatbelt?
Me: Yes.

And just like that, I feel like the lamest dud ever. Can a person be any more boring on paper? No sex and I wear a seatbelt? Brother. I can’t even see the edge I’m so far away.

But then in the same moment I think to myself, Now wait just a second here. I shouldn’t be embarrassed, I should be celebrated. Given my current life circumstances, I couldn’t have given better answers to any of those questions. Balloons should be falling from the ceiling. George Clooney himself should be sending me a congratulatory card. At the very least, I should be getting a cookie. Because true chastity is not what I could call my favorite. It is hard work and, let’s be honest here, sort of a bummer. But it is what God has asked me to do, and so I am doing it.

Is there anything more worth celebrating than that?

No?

In that case, I’ll take that slice of cake now.

Inspirational because the first annual Chastity Celebration is now in the works. Stay tuned for more details.

My Alphabet

2009-10-05T18:57:00.006-06:00

A is for audition. Next one - Oct. 24th.
B is for bargains. Downeast clearance center. 3500 S. 3500ish W. 1 shirt, 1 sweater, 1 sweater vest. Total cost - $6.50.
C is for cheesecake. I went to the cheesecake factory and remembered how much I love cheesecake. Feel free to bring me some whenever you want. I promise I won't say no.
D is for downtime. I've got some right now. I think it's just the right amount. But I think everyone out there knows it won't last long. I'm a go-getter.
E is for education. I sure like learning and improving myself. Things I'm currently learning or working on: Master's degree in reading education, handwriting, shorthand, French, film acting.
F is for fall. I wish we got one of a decent length. But I'll enjoy it while it's here - mostly with the help of pumpkin steamers from Starbucks - thanks Kasi for turning me onto them.
G is for General Conference. Park City. Comfy couch. Delicious food. Hot tub. Good people. Amazing messages.
H is for humanitarian work. I would like to help here.
I is for investigative TV shows. I'm kind of addicted.
J is for jogging. I don't jog because it hurts my knees, but I wish I could. Instead I read on the stationary bike. Not as refreshing, but it sure helps me get through my to-read book list.
K is for kanoodling. I'm pretty sure I made up that spelling just to fit this letter. Nonetheless, I could use some.
L is for love. Spread it around.
M is for magic bullet. I use mine - All. The. Time.
N is for news. Thanks to the surprise of a friend, I've started reading the news on a more regular basis. I guess it's about time I got caught up on what's happening in the world.
O is for observation. I was observed in my classroom. This can be quite a harrowing experience, but it went of like a dream. Everyone was beaming.
P is for porch. They stripped mine to the bare cement on Saturday, thus enabling them to install new generic astroturf. I'm guessing that means it'll be done...sometime in March? P is also for prepositions. Just because.
Q is for quiet. My crazy neighbors have calmed down...at least for now.
R is for restraint. I'm gaining more as I try to cut down on sugars and unhealthy foods and eat more whole foods and other things that do my body good.
S is for "strict" parents. Notice their children are all normal.
T is for tables. I bought 4 at IKEA then spiced them up with wall vinyl. Fruity you say? Perhaps, but my tables look awesome.
U is for Utes. Yay for football season!
V is for vacation. I need one outside of Utah.
W is for wishful thinking.
X is for Xavier. I just like the name.
Y is for yeti. Thoughts as to his existence?
Z is for Zooey Deschanel. I'm pretty much in love.

Evolution of Beauty

2009-10-04T21:48:00.000-06:00

So true.

2009-09-27T15:38:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine sent me an e-mail ago full of thoughts from people our age (i.e. twenty somethings). I have to say I agree with all of them.

Random thoughts from people our age...

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
me.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"
feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose
not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first
saw it.

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
only one who really, really gets it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to
finish a text.

- Was learning cursive really necessary?

- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
test is absolutely petrifying.

- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
Classy, bro.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",
all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring
would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
swear I did not make any changes to.

- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people
watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will
they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't
watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
speed for pedophiles...

- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time
every time...

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and
the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they
drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people
eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard
before dinner

New Friend

2009-09-20T21:23:00.002-06:00

This is my new friend and church:

I'm fairly certain that on more than one occasion, it will save my sanity.

My other family

2009-09-10T21:57:00.003-06:00

This is one of the best things about being part of the theater family.

Milestone

2009-09-05T03:10:00.002-06:00

I overestimated* one of my children's ability to hold it.

*Thanks Toph and Carm for the correction. :)

Poeticality

2009-09-01T19:07:00.002-06:00

Our first unit in Language Arts for the year is "Friendship." It's very cute. As a getting-to-know-you warm-up-for-the-unit activity, I made friendship packets for my kids that include things like drawing a picture of you and your friend, a word search, coloring pages etc. etc. etc. One page is for the kids to write a poem about friendship titled "Friendship is..." Here's mine:

Friendship is gooey, sugary, buttery goodness wrapped in chocolate and eaten from the pan.
Friendship is long walks and short walks and no walks at all.
Vision boards, and staring at the wall. Breaking beds and breaking hearts.
Friendship is laughing til you're curled in ball on the ground clutching your sides.
Friendship is love sacs, and love taps, and elementary-esque love notes.
Season tickets, seasonal desserts, and seasoned kissers.
Trips to foreign places, and places around the block.
It's crying from laughing, crying from heartache, crying from sleep deprivation.
It's being stranded in an airport with nothing but a jacket and copy of Harry Potter 7.
Friendship is retail therapy.
Friendship is pretty freaking awesome.

What's on your mind?

2009-08-30T13:29:00.002-06:00

My summer according to Facebook:

Greg Barnett...

...is so excited for three months of day-time relaxation
...is sad that Treasure Island is over, but excited for Dolly
...is relaxin' at home
...is at the theater
...is heading to Panguitch for some family fun
...is at the theater
...kind of loves Dolly a lot
...should probably be working on school stuff
...is headed home for the 4th
...is at the theater
...watches too many crime shows
...is at the theater
...needs something to do during the day
...is at the theater
...hopes his epic road trip for next summer works out
...is at the theater
...will be in Junction for a few days enjoying the company of his family
...went knee-boarding for the first time and had a total blast!
...is at the theater
...auditioned for another show - no dice
...cried a little during his last performance of Dolly
...is at the theater
...auditioned for yet another show - again, no dice
...finally figured out the plot to Pimpernel after 6 weeks of rehearsal
...is at the theater
...is at the theater
...is at the theater
...is opening tonight, and not sure if he's ready
...is at the theater
...has a free evening for the first time all summer, and isn't really sure what to do with himself
...wanted to work in his classroom, but they were waxing the floors
...is at the theater
...finally got to work in his classroom, and is actually kind of excited for school to start back up
...is at the theater
...will enjoy his last weekend of summer freedom to the fullest
...is starting school being involved in only one show, and that's probably for the best
...is at the theater

The life of an eggplant...or an egghead...

2009-08-27T21:28:00.002-06:00

So, aside from family reunions, crime show sprees on cable, and drawn blood in the last three shows at Hale Theater (none of it mine - knock on wood), there hasn't been much going on since school go out. I spent too much money on back-to-school clothes, and not enough time trying to become a better teacher, but such is life.

School is now back in and the first week is past (173 days to go!) And we kick-started it with flair. I got a honeymoon period of about 3 hours with my class this year. I've got some real winners. My class consists of 5 white kids, 1 Polynesian, 1 Vietnamese, and 21 Latinos (2 Carloses and a Jesus). I think it's awesome. Should be an interesting year.

Evidence - beginning of the year, getting-to-know-you surveys about favorite things:

color - red
food - carrot
person - brother
place - park
animal - dog
school subject - math
article of clothing - recess
time of day - lunch
game - Hulk Unlimited Destination xbox live.

subject in school - riteing (does anyone else see the irony here?)

movie - August Rush (surprising, but awesome)

I got lots of Michael Jackson and The three Little Pigs as answers to various questions. I'm not sure what that means.

Anywho, school is back in session, the children have brought their A-games, luckily so have I. It seems to be going well so far. I'm excited to see how many of my kid's favorite animal will be a tarantula when we get to that part of the curriculum, and I'm excited for the weather to cool down as our school has no A/C.

I wanna be this guy

2009-07-21T13:01:00.001-06:00

Tuesdays

2009-07-07T11:43:00.002-06:00

A random thought on a Tuesday morning, enjoy:

God expects you to have enough faith and determination and enough trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. In fact, He expects you not simply to face the future (that sounds pretty grim and stoic); He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it and rejoice in it and delight in your opportunities.

God is anxiously waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe.
-Jeffrey R. Holland

Too soon?

2009-06-29T17:52:00.002-06:00

Initial estimates indicate 38 states, roughly 10,000 miles, and just shy of 7 weeks. I'm planning next summer's road trip spectacular across the country. It's gonna be huge.

Usually when I get crazy ideas like this they sound fun for a while, but never amount to much. Stuff like moving to France for a year - just because, or graduating college and working for Disney for the rest of my magical days. This idea, however, is something I really want to make happen. So, here's the deal:

(Imagine me putting on my teacher hat.) One of the best ways to increase comprehension in the young ones is to build and activate background knowledge i.e. if we're going to read a story about farming we see what the kids already know about farming, then we talk about what a farm is and what farming entails. Then, when we read the story, the kids have a better concept of what's going on, and thus their comprehension is increased.

So, here's my idea - I want to drive across the country interviewing the authors of the stories we'll be reading in class. Get their point of view, their inspirations for the stories etc. etc. etc. I'd also like the authors to read the stories on camera, and then I can show that to my kids. I think it would be cool for them to actually hear the story from the person who wrote it, rather than just reading a story written by some person they'll never meet. I also wanna get some stellar background footage like Cape Canaveral and the Moon Landing exhibit for our unit on the sun and the moon. Or The Baseball Hall of Fame and a shot or two of Dodger's stadium for our story about baseball.

I'd also like to try and contact some famous people that the kids can connect with to maybe read one or two of the stories. I think that might motivate the kids to read more and really get excited about what we're doing in class. I don't know anyone famous, but I know people who do, or know people who know people who do. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The authors live everywhere from St. Petersburg, FL to Seattle WA, so it's going to be a rather epic journey. But I'm pretty stoked about it.

I realize it's still early for a lot of this to happen, but I'd also like to not have to pay for the trip myself. I'm looking at getting some grants and/or sponsors to help me out. If any of you know of any grants that I might look into, or any companies that might be willing to sponsor this expedition extraordinaire, please let me know!

Here's to cock-eyed optimism!

progression

2009-06-15T17:23:00.007-06:00

You do it too.

2009-05-22T13:45:00.000-06:00

Pooping, I mean.

Speaking of Zac Efron, I think it's sometimes odd how much adults, despite claims to the contrary, are really just bigger versions of kids. I'm talking in terms of maturity levels.

At school all day long I hear how something someone else has is better. Kids want things, and don't want things, and the things they want aren't necessarily even things they want, they just want them because they don't have them. And the things they don't want may even be things they actually want, but they don't want them because other people say they shouldn't.

Today we had a half-day work day and for part of that the 3rd grade team met with the 4th grade team and discussed class lists for next year. I was amazed at how whiny the 4th grade teachers were. "Are you sure I have all the gifted kids I should?" "I've got 6 low kids, and they only have 4." "I have too many behavior problems." "I had tough kids this year, can you give me a break next year?" "I'm so glad you didn't give me that kid."

I understand that a little...ventilation is needed when dealing with our profession, but this was outright whining. For crying out loud, you're a teacher! Grow a pair! Suck it up and do your job. If you don't want to deal with behavior problems, or struggling learners, or kids who might bug you, then you are in the wrong profession, and definitely at the wrong school. Anyone can teach smart, well-behaved kids. It takes a committed educator to deal with the less-than-savory youngsters, so if you're going to whine, go get a cubicle job - that way no one has to listen to you.

On a lighter note, I got pie this week. :)

And the answer is...

2009-05-14T17:17:00.002-06:00

T or F

1 - Chocolate Malt-o-meal is pretty much the best breakfast ever.

This is definitely true. Especially when combined with the object of question number 7.

2 - The swine flu scare is a little bit ridiculous.

I was going to say true here, but I like Joe's answer. False - it's absurdly ridiculous.

3 - There are only 5 weeks of school left.

False. At the time of posting there were only 4 weeks. Currently there are only 3. WOOT!

4 - Bread pudding is best served with some sort of buttery sugary glaze.

Absolutely and undeniably true.

5 - A compound subject has 2 verbs.

False. A compound subject has 2 or more nouns. A compound predicate has two or more verbs.

6 - Leatherby's hot fudge makes me gag.

Completely false. I have yet to drink it through a straw, but I have eaten it plain.

7 - Hugh Jackman died.

False. A falsehood that was, in fact, propagated by one of my own students.

8 - In two weeks we have 4 days of school, and I will teach for only 1 of them.

This is true. Monday we have a wrap-up activity, Tuesday a field trip, Wednesday I'm gone, and Thursday is early day.

9 - Children's literature ROCKS!

Definitely true.

10 - Dr. Nancy Livingston, my current professor, is wearing a BRIGHT red Asian vest and not doing a very good job of it.

False. She was rockin' the vest.

Multiple Choice:

11 - One of my new favorite children's authors is:

A - Mo Willems (Look him up, his books are awesome, especially for younger kids.)
B - Katie Curick
C - William Steig
D - Barak Obama

12 - How do I feel about next school year?

A - excited
B - nervous
C - willing to wait
D - all of the above

13 - Who looks best with a mustache?

A - Tom Selleck
B - Burt Reynolds
C - Me
D - Queen Victoria

Just depends on your taste, really. I'm partial to her majesty myself.

14 - How many of the principal men in Hale's upcoming production of Hello Dolly have receding hairlines?

A - 8/8
B - 1/8
C - 4/8 (That I can think of...there may be more...)
D - 12/6

15 - A book I would recommend to anyone would be:

A - The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex
B - Harvey Potter's Balloon Farm by Jerdine Nolen
C - Heartbeat by Sharon Creech
D - Big Plans by Bob Shea

Trick question. I really would recommend any of these books. A, however, is the one I've been most active about recommending.

Quiz

2009-05-08T07:31:00.003-06:00

T or F

1 - Chocolate Malt-o-meal is pretty much the best breakfast ever.

2 - The swine flu scare is a little bit ridiculous.

3 - There are only 5 weeks of school left.

4 - Bread pudding is best served with some sort of buttery sugary glaze.

5 - A compound subject has 2 verbs.

6 - Leatherby's hot fudge makes me gag.

7 - Hugh Jackman died.

8 - In two weeks we have 4 days of school, and I will teach for only 1 of them.

9 - Children's literature ROCKS!

10 - Dr. Nancy Livingston, my current professor, is wearing a BRIGHT red Asian vest and not doing a very good job of it.

Multiple Choice:

11 - One of my new favorite children's authors is:

A - Mo Willems
B - Katie Curick
C - William Steig
D - Barak Obama

12 - How do I feel about next school year?

A - excited
B - nervous
C - willing to wait
D - all of the above

13 - Who looks best with a mustache?

A - Tom Selleck
B - Burt Reynolds
C - Me
D - Queen Victoria

14 - How many of the principal men in Hale's upcoming production of Hello Dolly have receding hairlines?

A - 8/8
B - 1/8
C - 4/8
D - 12/6

15 - A book I would recommend to anyone would be:

A - The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex
B - Harvey Potter's Balloon Farm by Jerdine Nolen
C - Heartbeat by Sharon Creech
D - Big Plans by Bob Shea

Best of luck. :)

On Life

2009-05-02T10:11:00.002-06:00

On teaching:

Still lovin' it. I'm doing a big Treasure Island project with my kids right now. I'm in the play at Hale Theater (Come see it! It runs til June 6th, and is amazing!), so I decided I wanted to take my kids to see the show. I bought them all an easy-reader version of the book so they know the story before coming to the play. It's amazing to see them during the school day. Sometimes it's all I can do to get them to put their books down. (It's kind of a conflict, because I want them to be reading, and it's exciting to seem them so engaged in literature, but we do have to do other things.) More to come on the culmination of the Treasure hunt. Also, only 5 weeks left of school. That's 23 school days, and probably 18 days of actual teaching. Man, how time flies.

On living with a girl:

Not much different than living alone...mostly because I'm never home. A few things though - I have to be careful about emptying the bathroom garbage can, and my bathroom is encrusted in hairspray. But it's also freaking AWESOME to live with my little sis. She's pretty much the coolest girl I know. I'm just sad I don't get to spend more time with her.

On being a pirate:

So. Much. Fun! I'm in my mid-twenties and 4 times a week I get to dress up like a pirate and go play for a couple of hours. How cool is that?! Besides the fact that I happen to have the coolest part in the show. People love me. I'll just have to try and not let it go to my head. ;) Again, come see the show, and get your tickets ASAP cause there aren't many left.
PS - funny story: So, I'm in Treasure Island, but I'm also rehearsing for Hello Dolly at Hale. Well, last night I was popping back and forth between TI and HD, and apparently during one of the super tense fight scenes in TI, right during a place when everyone is sort of paused (I was in the rehearsal hall in a different part of the building), everyone in the theater heard "Out there, there's a world outside of yonkers..." Apparently someone mistakenly turned my mic up. Hilarious!

On girls in general:

I'm super busy, so I don't have much time for dating, but I'm making an effort. There's a girl in my ward I went on a date with, and we're trying to coordinate schedules to make a second date happen. There's another girl in the ward I'd like to ask out. So, we're gettin' 'er done.
Also, I recently spent some time with some pretty amazing married friends of mine, and that's a huge motivation to date and get married. They really are awesome examples of what marriage can be like and what I'd like to have in a marriage. So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on.

On reading:

I've taken some pretty cool classes this semester about teaching kids to read better. My favorite one so far has been a class exploring children's literature. It's so much fun! One thing I've learned is that boys are seriously lagging behind in their literacy skills. I'm sure I'll have an entire post at some point on this subject, but for now, just let me say: Fathers - read to your sons! It's ok for moms to read to their kids, but one of the biggest determiners of boys being readers is whether they have strong male role model. Do once again - Fathers - read to your sons! And make sure they see you reading. Even if it's just the newspaper. *sigh* I could go on forever, but that's another post entirely.

All my single ladies

2009-04-16T16:38:00.003-06:00

So dating, right?
Yeah, I'd like to put in my two cents about that.

I've been on a few dates recently. It's all good times. But sometimes dating is such a ridiculous game. There are rules, but they change with every person. What's the best way to ask for another date? How long should you wait after the first date? How many times do you try for a second date? How do you know when "I'm busy" really means "I'm not interested"? How aggresive should you be? How persistent should you be? What really prompted all of this was two-fold: A conversation with a friend, and a blog post by a stranger.

The conversation: Centered around whether to ask for another date, and the best way to do that. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago - had a great time. Super fun. She's intelligent, gorgeous, hilarious - fun. So I'm workin' on a second date. This is where the problem arises. I'm super busy - she's super busy. So, is it really that she's busy? Or is it that she doesn't want to bruise my "fragile male ego"? How long do I keep trying? When is "busy" actually a signal saying "I don't want a freakin' second date, back off!"? And how do I not become confused when she's not really proactive about things, but uses exclamation points when expressing her affirmations of interest (scanty though they may be)? So that's where I stand with that.*

The blog: Here. For those who don't want to read the whole thing - though it is pretty entertaining - here's the gist: "Don't ask 'Can I take you out again?' because you'll get the same answer whether I'm actually interested or not." (Ok, so that message was sort of subordinate, but that's the information that was pertinent to me). Lame. I realize this is one point of view. One girl. One opinion. Even so, it just sort of brings my frustrations to the forefront. Basically, if you're interested - ACT LIKE IT! You can say "I'm busy" but among the many things in my life that I've learned up til now, one of the most important is that you make time for the things that are important to you - regardless of whatever else is going on. If you really are interested in exploring what may be there, make time for it. And if there really isn't time, at the very least, keep the lines of communication open. On the reverse, if you're not interested, be honest about it! There are tactful ways of expressing a lack of interest. My ego may still get bruised, I may still say mean things about you to my friends, but at least you were honest and didn't waste my time.

*sigh* It's just that there seem to be so many expectations placed on men in dating with very few placed on women. I have to ask, pay, ask again, pay again, keep the ball rolling. All you have to do is say yes and giggle. And if you're not interested you ignore me, thus wasting my time, and causing me confusion and ulcers. (I know! It's my own perspective. The grass is always greener etc., just let me whine for a second.)

Basically what I'm saying is, I was gutsy enough to take some initiative, at least give me the courtesy of being honest about anything beyond that.

*I wrote this a couple of days ago, and have since been subtely shafted. I gave it a good go - made several attempts (in a non-threatening, and non-overbearing way) at doing a second excursion, which she seemed excited about i.e. exlamation points and "please let's do!" etc., but never followed through on, so I'm taking the hint - whether intended or not. I gave it a valiant effort and the button is now in her hand, as it were.

10 years

2009-04-09T08:14:00.005-06:00

Every now and again in life my thoughts turn to the future. (And inevitably I hear "Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera..." somewhere in the back of my head, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it.) A question concerning the future recently caught my eye and started the old gears turning once more, namely: "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" It wasn't directed toward me, but it got me thinking nonetheless. Where will I be in 10 years?

I think it's important to take stock of the present before trying to predict the future. Right now I'm glaringly single, moderately attractive, and ridiculously happy. During the day I'm gainfully employed teaching children how to multiply - a job I love, and at night I get paid to make a fool of myself on stage - which I also love. Basically I've been blessed with a life I'm not sure I deserve, but I'm not complaining.

Now about the future...

Realistically: I'll be married to a wonderful woman who still makes me laugh, with three or four children who drive me crazy for all the right reasons. I'll still be working in education, but not necessarily in the classroom. Maybe a traveling advocate for boys' literacy, or a presenter for educational program X...or program Y, I'm not picky. I'll have a few children's books, and a youth fiction novel or two under my belt (though whether they'll be successful is anyone's guess). I'll still get good character roles in local theater productions, and every now and again a good lead. I'll have a house with a swing set, a flower bed, and a small vegetable garden. I'll probably still be in Utah and I have no problem with that whatsoever. I will also be host to the annual Barnett Family Easter Eggstravanza complete with relay races, candy, and one raw egg. And I'll still be ridiculously happy.

Ideally: Not much different from the reality I envision. The house may be bigger - one with a wrap-around porch and a backyard with a fountain. I'd drive a Smart Car. I'd be the host of the resurrected "Reading Rainbow" series - only this time the opening song will be a re-mix of the original, and I will never have been part of the cast of any Star Trek spin-off. My books will have been wildly successful - we're talking Caldecott, Newberry, Nobel Prize for Children's Literature (they'll make up that category just for my stories) and some, if not most...or even all, will have been made into lucrative movies starring everyone from James McAvoy to Julie Andrews (I like the Brits.).

In a world with infinite possibilities: By day I'll host a daytime talk show to rival Ellen DeGeneres, and go on a world-wide quest for the perfect brownie. By night I'd be a near-invincible crime-fighting superhero. And I would have a cape.

Worst-case scenario: I'll be 100 lbs. heavier with no hair left, and still single. I'll have been ostracized from the local theater community and fired from my job on trumped-up charges about something inane. I'll work for a telemarketing firm, and at night I'll watch Tivo'd reruns of the Jane Pauly show while eating second-rate vanilla frosting from a canister without the aide of a utensil. I'll also own a cat.

The real reality is I don't know where I'll be in 10 years. If you'd told me 10 years ago I'd be where I am now, I probably would have laughed. But if there's something I've learned it's that no matter where life takes me I can be happy because happiness, above all else, is a choice. And regardless of my career as an author, whether or not I land my dream role, how many children are in my classroom, or how my Sunday pan of brownies turns out, my own happiness is up to me.

So how about you? Where will you be 10 years down the road?

Spiders etc.

2009-04-05T18:06:00.003-06:00

Meet Duncan:

He's a Mexican Redknee tarantula, and my new class pet. Right now he's just a baby, but someday he'll be huge. I'm pretty excited about that. He's not super exciting. He spends most of his time buried, but he's still pretty cool. And, in reality, I'm not even sure it's a he. What can ya do?

In other news, for the second time this year, I've made the stall door of the girl's bathroom. This time it said: "Mr. B sucks c***". I have some delightful third graders. This time it was written on the outside of the stall door, so everyone that walked into the girl's bathroom could see it. Good, good times.

sigh

2009-03-31T16:49:00.003-06:00

While reading a small portion of "Stuart Little" with a few of my kids we came across the name "Mrs. Frederick C. Little." I was explaining to them that when a woman is married, she goes by "Mrs. (insert husband's name)" I then gave them a practical example:

Me: So, my wife would be Mrs. Greg Barnett

Student: But you're never gonna get married, so that won't happen.

Me: *sigh* Thanks for the encouragement.

Holi cow!

2009-03-28T22:23:00.003-06:00

A photographic memorial of our day at the Holi Festival.

1 - While walking back to the car, there was a girl leaning out of the window of her car making this face. She turned to look at us, but the face didn't change. She drove on, then the traffic slowed her down and she passed us again - making the same face. We laughed. She turned to look, the face again didn't change, and so we laughed some more.

2 - Another guy driving down the road yelled "Hari Krishna!" out of his window while making the rock on sign. Apparently he'd had a good time. On a side-note it sounded like he said, "Merry Christmas."

3 - While walking to the Hari Krishna temple for the color-fest, a couple of girls jogged past us. One of them said, "Wow! This is exhausting!" And her friend said, "Yeah, but at least we don't like have to pull a handcart or anything." Awkward. These were our reaction faces.

4 - Once again walking back to the car after the shindig was over. A rather macho guy was handing out water bottles. We passed his car and Deedee decided it would be nice to go back and ask for one. Which she did: "Hey! Can I have one? Oooh! I really like you're hat! *giggle*" then he was all "Hu hu, yeah, I wish we could've known each other better. Look me up on facebook!" And she coyly smiled and turned away. This picture is me thanking her for getting her flirt on and securing us a much needed bottle of water.

The festival also included thousands of people, purple spit, a man in nothing but an ever-so-slightly sheer orange head-to-toe jumpsuit and a black jockstrap, meeting up with old friends, walking, talking, loud music with only three lyrics ("krishna", "rama", and "hare" - pronounced ha-ray) a false-alarm colored dust-bowl, and actual colored dust-bowl, spotting friends from across the road, lots of traffic, a trip to CPK, and a short adventure in a photo booth.

Learning?

2009-03-19T17:47:00.002-06:00

After a short activity picking up trash outside - during which the boys and girls competed to see who could pick up more:

Students: Who won?

Me: ...EVERYBODY!!!

Punk student who gives me lots of grief: Guys, it doesn't matter who wins. What's important is that we cleaned up our community.

I laughed so hard.

ace that

The circle of Life

The future

Type-casting

Documenting

Project!

Updatopia

It's a boy!

changing life

where to lay my head...

Secret Agent Man

almost famous

Addendum

The next 3 days...

The Last 3 Days

Happy 2010

Movin' right along.

Crossing Legs Instead of Lines

All good gifts

Some "X"tra Holiday Cheer

Planeteers

Life Lessons

Things 7

Cordial Correspondence

Advisor

Scenario

Insights

And another

*Salivating*

Gotta hand it to you

My way

fanaticism

You say, I say

Pockets

One Classy Guy

Things 6

Parting Thoughts

Things 5

Dial Tone

Things 4

Things 3

Choose Clean Air

Gleeful

Mother, I love you.

Things 2

Things 1

The wind-up, and....

The Circle of Life

Half-way there!

Lucky...or not...

Note from a student

Um....uh....B! B!

Or a moment like this...

A moment like this...

One Dozen!

Inner Geek

The 11th hour...

Hamilton

Georgia on my mind, along with some other stuff...

Happy is as Happy does

Novena

Starving Artist

A note...

ocho

Lucky number 7

Just...ya know...some stuff

half a dozen

Ha ha ha ha hm.....

People who need people...

Last night my bed called me Gaylord

Quad

Tres

Chastity, Chocolate, and Cheers

Segundo

It begins

27 dates by 27

Aspiring Artists

Ch-ch-chastity

My Alphabet

Evolution of Beauty

Salivating

sigh