A week in...

My week in Pennsylvania was filled with occurrences. Whether any of them are worth relating is another question.

I think we really hit the jackpot as far as lower class, uneducated, stagnant people go. I don't think I've ever seen more gathered in one location. Not that I'm judging them, most of them can't help it. But some can and that's what bothers me!

Aside from that here are some highlights from Northeastern PA:

First, our trip to the airport on Monday was even fraught with adventure. We saw someone hit a bird, and the bird was still alive and flopping around on the pavement. It was kind of sad. I hope it didn't suffer too long.

At baggage claim I saw the aunt from "Nanny McPhee" walk up and grab her baggage. She wasn't nearly as ostentatiously dressed, but she had the same haircut and nose.

During our first event I think the old and disabled were out in full force. We had at least two oxygen tanks, a walker, and a colostomy bag. We also had a table fall on a woman's ankle and they had to call the ambulance...well I don't know if they had to, but they did it anyway. Sort of a much ado about nothing situation.

We stayed at a Day's Inn our second night in PA and the room was equipped with a floor to ceiling window that looked out onto the indoor patio, and a cinder block ceiling. High quality if I've ever seen it. A word of caution to those who dare to stay at the Day's Inn in Danville - breakfast ends promptly at 9:30. If you arrive at 9:32, there will be no breakfast left.

Later at the Holiday Inn in Wilkes-Barre I was taking a break in the men's restroom and noticed that music playing over the system was very much 'sexual encounter' type music. Two soulful black people singing about how they love and want each other. In the same vein as "You're havin' my baby." Why this was playing in the men's room I'll never understand, but I got a laugh out of it.

By the time Thursday rolled around I was nearly fed up with the people that were coming. None of them could listen or follow directions and they all seemed to have the education of a second grader. I was frustrated. At that very moment a ray of light shone on my dismal world. Her name was Linda. Linda is an 81 year old woman from Brooklyn. No normally a woman like this would be accompanied by an equally decrepit man, a wheelchair, or a nurse, but all Linda had was a large fur hat and one of the most amazing coats I've ever seen. It looked like a Persian rug. I expressed my admiration for her coat and she started a conversation with me - in her old woman Brooklyn accent - about how the people of Pennsylvania have no style and don't know how to dress. She said they all look like they should be washing floors. I was most amused. She quite literally made my entire week.

Another true highlight of my week was a brownie from TGI Friday's. Now I'm a fan of almost any brownie, but this wasn't just a brownie - it was an experience. I recommend it to everyone.

To top off my week I had a first - we had a service animal attend one of our events. A standard American poodle named Noah. He was a beautiful dog and very well behaved.

And what week in my world would be complete without a mullet sighting? This mullet was particularly special. The man had curly hair. The business end of the mullet was a poofy widow's peak, the party part of the mullet flowed down his neck and over his shirt collar like water out of a dream. It was truly a sight.

Pennsylvania - land of the Amish, the dutch, and the nation's #4 St. Patrick's Day parade (which is actually held the week before) was...well...different. On Saturday when we left the hotel for the airport it dawned on me that I hadn't been outside for 2 days. This is sad. Especially since upon leaving the hotel I saw a huge Salvation Army store across the street. So, at the end of a 5-week working spree it's good to be home and have not just one, but two weeks off to rest up for my next adventure.

Fear not, faithful readers, I shall return in two weeks time armed with my computer (I decided that the obnoxious nature of airport security wasn't as annoying as not having a computer for a week), my rapier wit, and the endless throngs of knowledge hungry people that flock to our 90 minute seminars. Plus, I'm going to use the next two weeks to memorize the seminar presentation and audition to be a speaker for the company. Wish me luck and send me your happy vibes!