If I may...

So, a couple of note-worthy occurrences came to pass between the time I no longer had access to the internet and now.

First, on our drive to the airport from our last hotel - a drive which took a considerable amount of time - we traversed the roads of Amish country. Normally Amish folk are quaint and endearing, but this time especially so as we saw one young man speeding down the road on roller blades and a young woman, clad firmly in her apron and bonnet, cruising along on a razor scooter. Who'd have thought?

Second - after nearly three months I finally finished David Copperfield. What a great book. I recommend it to everyone! Seriously, it took me a while to get into it, but it really was a fantastic story. It had me in tears - not that that's hard to do.

Funny end to my week - we probably had a total of at least 25 employees on the same flight home from Atlanta. I guess it's a good thing the plane didn't go down.

The beginning of the end

When people show up to our seminars they tend to come in groups. This is especially true when it's close to, or past starting time. It's not a steady stream. I'll have five minutes of nothing, and then all of a sudden, 10 people will show up. It's rather bizarre.

All I've had to eat today is 4 granola bars.

We have to pack up and leave rather hastily this afternoon. Our speaker (who is from Cincinnati) has to be at the airport at 3:30 and it could take up to two hours to drive there. So, we basically get to end, dismantle the operation in a hurried frenzy, and hit the road. Should be fun.

And I'm not in the mood to write anymore, so until next time...

THE SUN CAME OUT!!!

I am a happy person. It's still hazy, but there are rays of actual sunshine penetrating the gloom - woot!

We have giant pillars in the middle of our ballroom today. This is not conducive to a successful seminar. Besides that, they're mirrored pillars, which is not conducive to successful interior design.

My speaker is allergic to poultry. This is ironic seeing as how all we ever eat are turkey croissant sandwiches.

We went to Wal-mart today, I was feeling a bit despondent while standing in line because it was taking FOREVER, but then I noticed that the woman in front of me was buying no less than 4 pairs of sensible granny panties along with a brick of pepperjack cheese. I just had to smile.

Holy cow, we were expecting about 125 people for dinner tonight, we ended up with about 160. CRAZY! It was extremely muggy and hot in the registration area, and my fingers are sore from writing name-tags.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name Candi? One might think of a thin, well-endowed blond girl with skimpy clothing, and an even skimpier personality. After today I'll only think of a short overweight woman in leopard print sweat pants and sporting a full goatee. *shudder*

We were tired of turkey croissant sandwiches today, so we went to Texas Roadhouse. Love me some steak...and homemade bread...mmm...

Frances is a girl's name. Francis is a boy's name. Don't forget that.

Blue Skies

I haven't seen the sun in 4 days. I can't live like this.

I finally got some free time today, so I went to the mall - it's right next door to our hotel. Not a very good mall, but a mall nonetheless. I wandered, grabbed a cinnamon pretzel, perused the clearance racks and left. Refreshing, but unproductive. Except that my health coach told me I should get 10,000 steps in per day, and this helped with that.

My phone is acting up. I got the replacement from the one that broke a couple of weeks ago, but this phone has a mind of its own. I think it's become sentient. It randomly switches into car kit mode. I don't know how it happens, and I don't know how to switch it out. There's nothing in any menu on my phone that indicates the phone even has a car kit mode. When it's in this mode I can't make calls and none of the alerts work. My phone apparently also has a sense of humor because it decided to switch into to car kit mode in the middle of my nap, so I missed my alarm. There's nothing on the Verizon website that is anywhere near helpful, and even the owner's manual is painfully silent on the subject. I'm at a loss.

-----

I called Verizon. They're sending me a new phone. Apparently car kit mode isn't really something the phone is supposed to do. And when it does it randomly, like mine is, that's not a good thing. At least I won't lose all my contacts this time.

I got a hole in my sock. I hate it when that happens.

I could really go for a cinnabon, or a cold stone...mmm...

I'm a little amazed at how my life has changed since I started this job. In the beginning I was alone and friendless, so I enjoyed working and tried to work as much as possible. At this point I have friends and family at home - friends and family that I rather enjoy - and I want to be home so I can enjoy their company. But I must work. I guess that maybe it's a good thing I won't be speaking. It'll give me a chance to find something more home-based. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways, I just wish it wasn't as mysterious just trying to live.

Burgenburgerburg

I think Pennsylvania should change its name to Burgville, or Townsburg, or the State of Burg. I think every city here is a burg - Harrisburg, Gettysburg, Chambersburg, Burgettstown...

The following is a trip down memory lane, if it was an actual occurrence in my week, you would not receive a disclaimer:

In high school a girl in my school adapted an SNL skit into a humorous interpretation which she performed for various competitions. It was rather funny. I was spending some quality time with a friend recently and felt it appropriate to quote said skit thusly "I love you you know." I laughed and then had to explain the source. I watched the skit today and it's just funny, so here's the video. Mike Myers and Nicole Kidman in the skit of the hyper hypo.




Also, my friend Joe made a comment on a previous blog in reference to one Roger with regards to whether or not it is, in fact, possible to pull off a mustache. This is a picture of Roger. Weigh the evidence and judge for yourself.



Fact: The last time I checked my text inbox I had four new messages. Who doesn't feel good after that?

We were in Gettysburg this afternoon. What a quaint little town. We were only there for lunch, so we didn't have any time to explore or wander. I did see the town from the car window, and I was completely enchanted. The hotel at which we did our seminar was built in 1797. It used to be a bank, now the vault is a dining room. It was rather charming.

Quote of the day: "It's hard to work on my language when life keeps placing stupid people in my path." I won't quote the source, but they know who they are and are free to out themselves in a comment if they so desire. All I know is that this made me laugh out loud today.

I burned 671 calories this morning

Continental breakfast is an enigma to me. Why did they pick the term 'continental'? Which continent does this particular series of breakfast items come from? Is continental just a euphemism for 'free'? If so, why do they say 'complimentary continental breakfast'? That's like saying ATM machine. Perhaps these are some of the mysteries of life that will never be fully resolved, like the disappearance of settlers from Roanoke Island, the life of Jack the Ripper, or how they cram all that graham.

This video made me pee a little in my pants. Thanks Ellesse!



Carolyn was wearing three sets of wedding bands on her ring finger. The only thing I can surmise from this is that she's been married three times, and is either a polygamist with three husbands, or is just weird and doesn't get rid of her rings after getting divorced, but just adds another one on. Chalk one more up for Carolyn!

I get to hear some interesting conversations in my line of work. Most of them make me laugh, but I heard a rather saddening one during the registration process this morning. A young man had been pushed into a pool at a party by a friend and had consequently broken his foot. Rather than practicing forgiveness and realizing that accidents happen, he no longer talks to either the friend who pushed him in, or the friend that owns the pool. The couple he was talking to this morning was encouraging him to sue for damages. I think it's so sad that something so small can turn into something so big and ruin relationships.

Obnoxious question of the week - "How much can I make with a website and still stay on disability?" - seriously?

Here's a delightful passage from David Copperfield (yes, I'm still reading it.):

'Deuce take the man!' said my aunt, sternly, 'what's he about? Don't be galvanic sir!'
...'Go along with you, sir!' said my aunt, anything but appeased. 'Don't presume to say so! I am nothing of the sort. If you're an eel, sir, conduct yourself like one. If you're a man, control your limbs, sir! Good God!' said my aunt, with great indignation, 'I am not going to be serpentined and corkscrewed out of my senses!'

I wish people would verbally assault others with such alacrity nowadays. It would make life so much more interesting! And though I shouldn't, I absolutely love the phrase "Good God!"

My speaker had his luggage inconveniently misplaced by the airline, consequently we had to make a quick emergency trip to Wal-mart last night. So now, along with the molestache, he wears a shirt with a collar that is at least an inch too big making him look...well, creepy.

UT, GA, PA

On my flight to Atlanta I sat next to a man who consumed no less than 3 bottles of wine, and then proceeded to adjust himself inappropriately and without reservation for the remainder of the flight.

My speaker for the week has a molestache. There are a select few men in this world who can pull of a mustache - Tom Selleck is one of them, my speaker is not.

I'm wearing a new pair of flip-flops from Eddie Bauer. They are exceptionally comfortable.

So, I was reading on my flight today and one of the characters in the book reminded me of a friend of mine. Usually this is a good thing, but this particular character is rather...well, creepy. I was a bit sad, but had to laugh in spite of myself.

Delays

Well, my third week in a row is over. I can't tell you how happy I am. I get a week to relax. I'll be busy busy busy the whole time, but I'll be enjoying every minute of it.

It's 111 degrees outside today. Last night we got home from dinner around 10:00 - it was 99 degrees - at 10:00 at night!!! Why do people live here?

I wish I had some funny stories to tell today, but after the bra-less wonder, there's nowhere to go.

Note - a good bed does not necessarily guarantee good night's sleep.

My amusing life

I was trying to think of some motivating appropriate opening for this entry. Something to inspire my readers and uplift you in your life's journey...but I just couldn't think of anything, so I guess we'll just dive right into today's thoughts, some of which may not be appropriate for all readers, so be warned.:

One of my most recent pet peeves is when people ask vague questions i.e. "Am I in the right place?" Well how the hell should I know? (sorry my filter isn't on at the moment.) In the right place for what? You may be, but I need some more info. It's like they're asking the last half of an if/then question. It also bothers me when people say things like "Do you need this?" Uh, no. If I needed it I would have asked for it or taken it. Or "Don't I need that?" Again, if you needed that I would have given it to you...wow, all of this sounds really bitter...

This paragraph will mean little to nothing for those not in "the know," but I love seeing people come in with a celestial smile. Especially when it's the meshies. Just brightens my day.

I've noticed that men tend to shorten their names down to one syllable. I think it may be laziness. Mack, Bob, Al, Joe, what's that all about? Not that I have any room to talk...

And now for some retroactivity. Yesterday we had someone come whose last name was Schneckpeper. I want a name like that! "Hello my name is Redenbacher Schneckenpeper." How cool would that be? In High school there was a sticker on my friend's window that said "Vote Michilimackinack!" I expanded that one day Michilimackinackinappilachicola. Yeah, I had some free time on my hands.

Speaking of things from the past, last week, I forgot to write about a man clad in a Hawaiian shirt who asked me where the company was based. I said, "It's a town in Utah called Orem." He simply said "Son of a bitch!" So funny.

Oh my. My friends I thought I'd seen it all, but today takes the cake. I was going to regale you with my fashion feaupax of the week - A man wearing a mesh button-up shirt and a beret, but then a woman arrived who totally and completely trumped him. It wasn't necessarily her blatant disregard for fashion that earned her a place in the annals of disastrousness, her outfit was only a bit on the quirky side - white shorts, a black undershirt with an open floral-patterned button-up shirt over the top and knee-high black socks. The part that wins her the feaux-pas of the year award is the fact that her black shirt was sheer and she was sans bra. I just about threw up, but at the same time it was all I could do to not burst out laughing. How does one go out in public like that? The three of us who were working the seminar all noticed, we can't imagine that we were the only ones. So, as a button to my day I saw nasty old woman boobs. 10 points to Mesa AZ.

Thoughts...Many

My shirt today has French cuffs. I like them.

I went running this morning and it was a challenge. At the start of my run I felt like I weighed about 200 pounds. It was grueling. Luckily it got better as I ran along.

I hate snooty pretentious foreigners, but I love old people holding hands.

So, French cuffs are fun, but in the summer in Phoenix they're just not practical.

I love talking to old people when their dentures aren't quite secured. It's so entertaining watching their teeth bob up and down during the conversation.

I'd like to send a shout-out to two of my favorite commenters. Namely Leah H. and Angie S. Your comments consistently bring a smile to my face, thank you for brightening my sometimes dreary world.

Tonight we went to Denny's for our evening repast. As we were waiting to be seated a group got up from their table and approached the counter to pay. They waited for all of 30 seconds for someone to show up, but then decided it wasn't worth it, so they left. They just left! Who does that?

At work I sometimes get bored, so I like to flirt shamelessly via text messaging. Nothing brightens my day more.

I apologize for the obnoxiously random tone of this post.