Gotta hand it to you

So, being a newly funemployed single person, I'm looking into all sorts of things as possible sources of income (most of them educationally themed - private tutor, substitute teacher etc.) and though I have not been blessed with overwhelming physical beauty in most areas (which I'm fine with, BTW) I do like my hands. So I asked a photog friend of mine to take some snapshots for a hand modeling portfolio. I think they turned out pretty good. Take a gander:

My way

I just got home from a trip to New York City. I may have a small crush on that city...if it's possible to have a crush on a city...which I assume it is since people can love cities...but I digress.

I'd like to share some tips for those of you considering a trip.

Rules of NYC:

1 - Don't eat anywhere you can eat at home. There is SO MUCH good food in the city (more on that further down) that it's really a waste to eat at places you can find in your hometown. *This applies to shopping as well. If you're going to go to NY and eat at the Olive Garden - I don't care if it is on Times Square - and shop at American Eagle - just stay home. It'll be less expensive.

2 - Wear comfortable footwear. You'll be walking a lot and you're on vacation, so wear something that won't make you miss a day of vacation because you can't walk after the first day. (If you're going out for the evening something more style and less substance is fine, but for the statue of liberty, a pair of walking shoes is best.)

3 - Carry your money in your front pocket. There are lots of nice people in the city - really - but just in case you come across one of those fabled pick-pockets, it's better to have your money somewhere that's harder to get to.

What to see:

I've been to NY a few times, and after the traditionally touristy stuff i.e. the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building etc., there are some other - less-well-known things that one should definitely not miss -

The American Museum of Natural History. Aside from the typical fossil bones (you can see Lucy here), gemstones (they have the Star of India), dioramas, and stuffed elephants this museum is home to the Hayden Sphere. I'm kind of a space geek, so I think this is fascinating. The Hayden Sphere is used to give comparative sizes of things in the universe from the infinitesimal to the infinite. Seriously mind-blowing. The rest of the exhibit on the universe is also cool. You can see a self-sustaining eco-system, and see how much you weigh on each planet in the solar system. I also learned that we can only see about 13-billion light years into space, only because that's about how old the universe is. Anything farther away from that can't be seen because the light it emits won't have had enough time to reach Earth. Also, one of my favorite things at the AMNH is the Spectrum of Life - a wall dedicated to biodiversity. It's a small sampling of all the things that live on the Earth. CRAZY AWESOME! Ok, I'm done geeking out.

The Coney Island Side Show. After you ride the Coney Island Cyclone (built in 1927) - which is more intense than it looks and totally worth the $8, and get your famous Nathan's hot dog, take a walk over to the Coney Island museum and see Donny Vomit and Heather Holliday in America's last permanent side-show. It's hilarious, it's inspiring, and it's a whole heck-of-a-lot-of fun!

High Line Park. I think it's my new favorite place in NY. It's a park built on the old, no-longer-used delivery railroad tracks from the early part of the century (The last train ran the track in 1980.) First buy this book: The Curious Garden, then enjoy the park.

Broadway. As far as I'm concerned any trip to NY without a trip to a Broadway show is pointless. This time I around I went to three shows:

Promises Promises starring Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes. The show was fairly mediocre and I think Ms. C. was not on top of her game the night I went, but Sean H was hilarious and at the top of act two we meet a certain lush that completely steals the show. I wouldn't put it at the top of my list, but it was fun to see KC and SH live.

La Cage aux Folles. Hysterically funny. Kelsey Grammar and Tony Award Winner Dustin Hodges were nothing short of spectacular. It's easy to see why this show won so many awards. It was riotously fun. I recommend it to everyone - unless transvestites aren't really your thing.

Billy Elliot. Holy cow what a show. Some amazing talent and awe-inspiring child actors. So much good stuff going on. If you have the chance to see this show - take it. But be warned, there is some strong language.

What to eat:

I have all kinds of recommendations for this city. There is literally so much good food here you could eat at a different place every meal for weeks and still find good things. And I think that's part of the fun - discovering your own favorite places, but here are three of mine you might not want to miss -

Levain Bakery. Best. Cookie. Ever. Seriously. It was the first time in my life when I haven't been able to finish it. That's a good cookie. *If you want a good cookie you can consume en entero, try Jaques Torres.

S'mac. Recommended to me by more than one person - and with good reason. It's a macaroni and cheese restaurant. What more do you need from life? They have a varietous menu and bright orange chairs. Go with a friend and get the sampler.

Jane. Creme Brulee French Toast. Period.

You might also want to visit PB&Co., Dylan's Candy Bar, Crumbs, The Chelsea Market, Magnolia Bakery, Community Food and Juice, Bomboloni, and the Hummus Kitchen.

All in all, a fantastic trip to NY. Can't wait to go again.

**Helpful tips for the traveler: Download the NYC subway map to your hand-held device. It's a lifesaver.

AMNH also has an app. It can tell where you are in the museum and give you directions to anything from exhibits to gift shops to restrooms. Cool.

If you hate people - avoid midtown. Though if you hate people you probably should be visiting NYC.

If you go in the summer, just know it's going to be hot and humid. Prepare for it. And as my friend's father says - make it your friend.

The numbers in addresses don't make any sense and won't be helpful to you. Just be prepared for that.

fanaticism

I am a fan of:

Giving blood. Love it. I know some people descend into a world of hopeless darkness and fear at the mere mention of needles, but personally it makes me feel good knowing that someone possibly won't die because of me. I gave blood today and found out that my blood is free of some virus that most people apparently have, and is therefore most likely used for children and babies. Happy vibes galore! Plus you get free cookies.

Dessert. I know, right? As my father says, "If it started life as a dough or a batter - I like it." My three favorite sweet treats, in no order of importance, are brownies*, fresh cinnamon rolls**, and cheesecake***. If you ever show up at my house with one of those three things in tow, you'll

probably get me to do whatever you want...within reason...and sometimes without reason. When I become a superhero, my downfall will come about when my arch-

nemesis invents some sort of brownie-sweet roll-cheesecake hybrid. I apologize in advance for letting his nefarious purposes be realized, and the ensuing world dominance and reign of terror, but in that situation I WILL be powerless.

Family. My family is HILARIOUS. Despite the fact that

post-divorce Grandma and Grandpa create some slight awkwardness at family reunions, and the fact that certain members consistently butt heads with certain other members, and the fact that my uncle married a BYU fan (love ya Lis!) there are few people I enjoy spending time with as much - and probably no one I enjoy spending time with more. One of my favorite things to do in the entire world is sit around a campfire with my family and a bag of marshmallows. Ridiculously good times.

Employment. Despite recent evidence to the contrary, I do like being employed. Contributing to society is something I enjoy. And the paycheck doesn't suck. Currently I consider myself an independent contractor. I'm a starving actor looking for his big break. In the meantime I'm looking into set teaching (teaching kids in movies, plays etc.), substitute teaching, educational computer programs companies, and personal travel companion (rates vary, inquire for details). Any leads would be welcome. :)

*I recommend brownies from Great Harvest Bread Co. (you can find the recipe here), or the brownie sundae from either Chili's or TGIFriday's. As for at-home-from-a-box brownies - Ghirardeli is the best.

**Cinnabon has my favorite. Luckily the airport is the only place in Utah where you can get one, so I eat one less than once a year. My heart thanks me daily.

***Cheesecake Factory. Pick your fave, they're all good.

You say, I say

In my efforts to become a better, more well-balanced, educated, self-sufficient, likable, impressive, life-changing, earth-shattering, influential person, I planted some tomatoes.

Being the green person that I seem to be lately, I repurposed a plastic jug like the kind that house those bio-hazard orange cheese balls they sell at Costco.

(Though it wasn't a cheese-ball container. I kind of think if I ever ate one of those I might spontaneously combust, or grow a third arm or something - which

would be useful, but I still don't think it's worth the risk). I went to the Wal-mart to search for one of those little metal support systems that everyone uses with their tomatoes - but surprise surprise Wal-mart didn't have any...so I improvised. Wooden dowels and pipe-cleaner came in mighty handy.

Now I basically have tomato plants growing out of garbage and supported by more garbage. I feel good about it. In 5-7 weeks I should have some delicious tomatoes to eat. Yay for "urban" gardening!

Pockets

There are people who I like enough that I want to have a pocket version of them to carry around with me. Then, when I'm having a downer moment I can pull them out of my little pocket and all will be sunshine and rainbows once again.

So, during class today I drew a pocket version of myself. I'm thinking of making copies and distributing them. Let me know if you want one. :)

Also, this kind of makes me want to take an art class.

One Classy Guy

So...I'm in the throes of achieving life goals and pursuing dreams and changing the world and stuff, and sometimes I just need to pause and laugh at things that cross my path on the way to the top. Por ejemplo - I'm in a class right now about classroom management and student motivation. Here are some excerpts from our textbook:

"The letters that parents receive appear personalized because of word-processing technology."

This book was published in 2008. Really? Word-processing technology? Who doesn't know how to draft a form-letter on the computer?

"A hat dislodged from a student's head during a volleyball game"

This was given as an excuse for the hat rule in dress codes.

Then there's the case study involving a child named "Dick" who says "sh**" during class. Which I find slightly humorous in and of itself. (This book is a bit abrasive with language use in case studies. I makes me smile a bit.) Well, after some argument about the use of proper language use, this knowledgeable educator uses the following relevant example: "It's like belching. Most everyone has a good healthy belch now and then. But most people in our society find other people's belching to be disgusting."

What is this book!? Why did I not have more books like this in college?

Things 6

Things that sometimes smell like other things:

popcorn

shampoo

sage

beets

pencils

macrame

grandmas

Parting Thoughts

Friday was the last day of school. As a time-filler/end-of-year activity I gave each of my kids a page of cardstock and had them write their name at the top. We sat in a circle and passed the papers around writing something on every page. Some of these young "yearbook" entries were priceless:

"Your pretty good"

"I still owe you a sneaker"

"John, you're nice and mean, have a good summer."

"Your nice to me and I like that."

"is kind of wird"

And the ultimate:

"You're my best friend in the whole world - Jesus"

Pronounced "Hey-soos", but it's funnier if you don't read it like that.

Things 5

Things that are black:

my TV remote

my TV

tires

Asian hair

VHS tapes

asphalt

Secret Service vehicles

cast iron

gaff tape

the bottom of the ocean

Gladys Knight

vinyl albums

Dial Tone

Picture it:

Front seat of the bus. Naugahyde smell, rowdy pre-teens chattering excitedly, morning sun shining brightly over the dew-covered cities of the valley.

Our hapless hero sits happily texting a friend about plans for a future road-trip. Suddenly his phone slips from his fingers. No biggie, right? Normally yes, but today is different. The phone - insert slo-mo sequence - falls to the floor, bounces under the barrier separating the seat from the bus stair-well, clatters down the stairs, and slips through the crack between the stairs and the bus door meeting its doom at 50 mph.

Later, pieces of the phone would be found scattered along the side of the road, where they would be collected and taken to their final resting place - the Verizon Cabinet of Shame.

End-note: Phone warranties do not cover falling out of a bus.