Everything changes

There's a reason people say, "When it rains, it pours." And it's not just because the rainstorm outside my window is producing more moisture than a fat man on the sunny side of the street during a Fourth of July parade. Last week was, to use another cliche, "one of those weeks." It's like one thing after another just kept happening. Now, most of the events of the week, in and of themselves, weren't necessarily anything to write home about, even with several of them combined, I don't think it would have been anything to cause a wanton disregard for one's health involving an abnormal consumption of chocolate. The thing is they were sort of overshadowed and tainted by something that, for me, merited some serious retail therapy (I bought Halloween decorations, foreign chocolate, and two pairs of shoes.) Let me elaborate:

There are two things that are important to know about me. First communication is of the utmost importance to me. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't communicate with me. Second, if you're my friend that means I care about you. And I always worry about the people I care about.

So at the beginning of this week I was experiencing a rather sudden, unexpected, and from my point of view, completely random lack of communication from someone who I consider a good friend. This is not good for my emotional stability. I know that this friend is having a rough time, but then again - aren't we all? Point being that I care about this friend and being ignored and avoided did nothing for my sense of being able to help. Along with not knowing what was going on and thus not being able to help, I was plagued with the feelings of uncertainty that can be expected in this situation. Uncertainty and I are far from being bosom buddies. I'd like to know, one way or the other, what's going on and what my position is in all of it - whether good or bad.

Now, those feelings of uncertainty caused feelings of insecurity, frustration, and even anger at some points in my week. So it would have been a tough week for me anyway, but let's add the following:

Monday I spent some time with a few friends from Provo and felt a little out of the loop. I live in the SLC, so that feeling is understandable I think.

Tuesday I was fired.

Tuesday night I met and hung out with a new person who developed a small crush on me during the course of the evening, and I'm not sure how I feel about it or how to deal with that situation.

Thursday night my cousin, who is a nurse, had her first patient death and was thus having a rather emotionally draining day (insert second important thing to know about Greg here).

Thursday I had a slight emotional breakdown resulting in tears of frustration/sadness/confusion etc. etc. etc.

Thursday I also started to develop a cold.

Friday morning my cousin was just getting home as I was leaving for the gym. I gave her a hug and we both started crying, so I was crying on my way to the gym and she was crying in the shower.

Saturday night I went to a sleepover and my frustrations with my abstracted amigo were sort of intensified, along with the out of the loop feeling being a bit reinforced.

It's been quite a week. Luckily I think I've resolved most of it. I sent a text to my close-mouthed companion basically just saying wtf? Apparently my mute mate is being a bit clammed up with everyone (though evidence from a few experiences during the week would seem to indicate otherwise, though I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt.) So I expressed my love and willingness to help in the event it was needed. I guess at this point I'm just kind of resigned. Though I want to help, there's not really anything I can do as one can't exactly force one's way anywhere one is not wanted. I guess all I can do is just go about my life being happy, express my love for my seemingly cheerless chum, and hope for the best.

As for the rest of it, I'm really not that upset about my job, it's kind of a relief and I can now look for something a bit more fulfilling. I plan to substitute teach in the mean-time. The would-be wooer I think will just be a friend. My cousin loves her job and is doing better, consequently so am I. My cold is here for a bit, but luckily the sore throat went away. Because the rest of it is resolved, I'm feeling more socially proactive and don't care as much about the loop.

I'm also looking forward to a football game, wearing sweaters, drinking hot chocolate, spending time with friends both old and new, shopping for more Halloween decorations and a love sac, and searching for the job of a lifetime. Despite whatever, it's a new week, a new chapter, and in a couple of days some new shoes! I think it's going to be an awesome week!