I am DDR

So, remember the little girl who asked if I was a woman?  The same little girl that thinks I'm ugly when I spike my hair?  The same girl I made cry because she wouldn't stay on task?  Tuesday she says to me - in Spanish, of course - "Why were you born so handsome?"  I was caught completely off-guard.  Especially since she started off by saying, "Mr. B, can I ask you a question?"  That statement rarely bodes well.  Two days later she lamented my not-so-attractive state and told me I comb my hair like a chicken.

I love how blunt children are.  Today I wore a shirt of mine that is a bit eccentric.  Crazy, I know, but it's true.  It's basically a white button-up shirt with some embroidery, but it has some sort of "fashionable" dye-job which basically just consists of spots of yellow dye that make the shirt almost look stained.  One first grader astutely observed, "It looks like someone peed on your shirt."

I love the smell of grass.

Things that make me laugh when I hear them come out of my own mouth - "Don't eat paper."

I told some 2nd grade girls the other day that they were cute.  They still giggle every time they see me.  I think it's only because I'm comparatively good-looking.  The other men who work at the school are either old, scary, or wear things like floods and hats from the mid-80's.

I think one of my first grade boys has a little crush on me. It's kind of adorable.

In the first grade they were working on a worksheet containing a picture of a skeleton. The following conversations ensued:

B - What's a pelvis?
Z - That's his privates
B - No, that's a penis

Z - When you drink in goes in here and down, then it sits there for about 10 minutes, then you pee. When you eat it goes to the back and sits there...for about ten minutes again, then you poop.

After explaining something involving either groups of animals, or the finer workings of the Black Widow social structure (I wasn't quite sure which, as I was across the room) one of my young cherubs innocently declared, "Sometimes I'm smart."

Every month my school has a party for "Everyday Heroes." This is basically a behavior incentive - but a really cool one. They throw a big shin-dig in the gym and if your behavior was up to snuff, you get to participate. This month it was a luau. They had music playing on one half of the gym with some polynesian dancers showing their stuff. This somehow turned into songs like the Electric Slide, the Casper Slide, and the Macarena - and somehow I ended up in the middle of it showing the kids how to do the dances - much to their joy and entertainment. Now you might be thinking, "The Macarena? Isn't there a part of that dance where your hands are on your butt?" And you'd be correct. Some conservative types might decry this action and try to think of something more appropriate. I'm not one of those people. Rather than trying to hide it, I say go full-tilt. Own the butt-grab, which I did. Complete with a grunt for every thrust of the hips. The kids loved it. One of the teachers went up to the principal (I found out later) and said, rather emphatically, "Hire him." I believe I've found my calling in life. :)