Death by Sanitation

Did you ever take the playground rocks and dump them down your shirt? One of the second graders did that. She tucked in her shirt so they wouldn't fall out, but a small stream erupted right between her legs. She looked like a lady, pregnant with a rock baby, whose pebbles had just broken.

Some of our kids will turn out just fine if their energy can just be focused in the right direction. One young man likes to play up the dramatics of his tragic life. Every time we do something he doesn't like he'll turn on the water works. His protestations have no effect on me, but today they were rather amusing. He showed up to school with a sign taped to his shirt protesting end of year testing. It said, "No more testin," "Don't come get me Mrs. Smith" and had a picture of a stick-figure boy crying. Adorable.

We have a kindergartener who started out the year without being potty trained. Today my boss came into the room and said, "Mortimer* pooped twice in the toilet!" The room was subsequently filled with cheers of joy. I never thought I'd celebrate something like that.

I have always been fascinated by how many different ways people pronounce the word crayons.  The correct pronunciation - as anyone can see - is 'cray-ons'.  However I've heard everything from crowns, and crins, to crayns and crons.  Is it really that hard to sound out?  There isn't even anything about this word that's irregular.  It follows all of the establish patterns for correct English pronunciation!

Everyone's heard the old adage "First the worst, second the same, last the best of all the game."  It's a delightful - if ineffective - way to help us boost our self esteem.  In the 1st grade, I heard a slightly different version, "First the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairiest chest."  As I was third in whatever youthful competition was taking place, I'd have to say with certainty that the latter part of the rhyme most certainly applied.

In our school we still use the old school cloth towels in the bathrooms.  The kind that come on a giant roll.  I don't know why they haven't changed over to paper, the cloth just seems kind of unsanitary...and it always smells musty.  Anyway, the following warning appears on the dispenser: "Failure to follow loading isntructions could result in serious injury or death."  Really?  Death?  It's a paper towel dispenser not a WMD.

Today I feel like I've actually had a positive effect, academically speaking, on a child's life.  Three times a year we do DIBBLES testing which measures reading fluency (words per minute).  We tested one girl in February just after she's moved here from Mexico.  She read 6 - that's right 6 - words per minute with 54% accuracy.  Today she read 35 wpm with 83% accuracy.  I like to think that I had something - albeit a small something - to with her improvement.  Now if she could only understand what she was reading...

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent pooper. And I figured if I was going to change his name it might as well be to something cool.