Or a moment like this...

Int. Classroom. Mr. B sharpens pencils whilst Mrs. L prepares small group math materials at the back table.

Enter Mrs. D with child (J) in-tow. J was cleaning scuff marks off the floor in the hallway for some minor indiscretion and was caught by his mother - Mrs. D.

"Mr. B, I am sorry for what J has done."

"Oh, I didn't tell him to clean..."

"It's okay. J, come here. Sit on my lap."

Mr. B continues to sharpen pencils.

Mrs. D proceeds to spank J.

Mr. B continues to sharpen pencils, at a loss for what to do as he is taken completely by surprise.

And.....scene!

Possibly the most awkward moment of my short educational career. I don't presume to know much about parenting, but I'm fairly certain that's not the best disciplinary strategy...

A moment like this...

Me: We're going to read "How to Eat Fried Worms" then, if you get more points than me on the scoreboard we'll watch the movie, and I'll bring fried worms for everyone to try.

M: I'm allergic to worms.

Me: *eye roll*

J: I'm allergic to soap.

R: I'm allergic to Journey! *air guitar*

One Dozen!

Date Number:

The girl: B-wo. Dancer, actress, vocalist, student, and all-around hilarious person.
The connection: See date #7
The setting: O-rem
The plot: B came to my show Saturday and afterward we traveled on down to UVU to join some friends of ours and see a another friend from Dolly in a production of Urinetown. Honestly - top 5 funniest shows I have ever seen. It wasn't just the show itself - which is riotously funny - but the direction, the design, and the performers were all incredible. B and I were both laughing our heads off. It was great. We went to Applebees after. I think I spend too much time at Applebees. Just sayin'.
Funny: The show. Also, the fact that the hostess at AB sat us down, but forgot to inform a waiter that we were there. We had to wave one over.

Inner Geek

Sometimes I'm kind of a geek. But who isn't at times? I find this intensely fascinating and completely mind-boggling:

The 11th hour...

Date Number:

The girl: M
The connection: She's my cousin! Now before you freak out and think I've gone all British Aristocracy on you, I made a concerted effort to find a non-immediately related girl to take, but ended up not being able to, so I took my cousin instead. It's a cousin-date, a "stale" date as my friend puts it, but a date nonetheless, I'm counting it.
The setting: The SLC
The plot: We went to the Olive Garden for dinner and had some delicious food, then to the Opera! Carmen was playing. My friend works for the Utah Symphony and Opera doing their publications, so she hooked me up with some sweet tickets down in the orchestra. It was pretty awesome. It was the first time at the opera for both me and M, and after 4 acts, 2 intermissions and a short set-change break, we ended up rather enjoying the whole thing.
Funny: All the people at the opera. Old women dressing like they're not-so-old, lots of sparkles, pharmacy professors with their spouses, the man with the extremely bad dye job (a lady overheard me commenting on it and said "That's where bad shitzus go to die." Laughter ensued.)
Funny, but awkward: I saw a friend of mine there and smacked his butt to get his attention without him seeing me. He didn't react at all. Then he finally turned around and kind of seemed like he didn't recognize me, but he laughed about it anyway. I had to run to get parking validation, so we couldn't talk long and it was kind of awkward. We ended up catching up after the show, but still - awkward.

Hamilton

Date Number:

The girl: G.
The connection: Family friend of a theater friend of mine.
The setting: P-town.
The plot: This was kind of adventurous, but more on that later.
We went to the CES fireside at the Marriott Center with all those crazy Mormons down there. It was a pretty good fireside. Elder Anderson spoke on spiritual upkeep. I mostly just watched all the crazy people around us. I tend to do things like that when speakers aren't absurdly engaging. Anyway, after the fireside we went to my friend K's for brownies. K doubled with us with a girl from his ward.
G is a native of Indiana, and is here debating studying musical education, or musical therapy. I think that's pretty cool. She's a youngin' so she's just getting going on that whole college experience. Good times. She's also not used to Utah winters, and is in for quite a surprise when the snow lasts until May.
Anyway, the adventure came as I called G to get her address just before the fireside and she didn't answer. For a minute I thought I might be going solo with K and his date.
Now that I read through that it was a lot more adventurous in the moment than it is in writing.
Gross: The view of the Salt Lake Valley shrouded in, as a good friend of mine refers to it, the "hellacious soul-sucking inversion" as I rounded point-of-the-mountain.
Fun: Looking at the fun snowflakes that K's absurdly talented artist roommate made. He might be putting out a book someday, so look for that.

Georgia on my mind, along with some other stuff...

-Why would a bus ever think it's ok to drive in the fast lane?

-I may, at some point, experience an emotional breakdown sometime before June. If this occurs, and you happen to be with me, please just laugh.

-I like the concept of easels, but I don't know that I'd ever utilize one.

-I prefer showering in the morning.

-I've been craving a sweet roll.

-I forgot how expensive college books can be. :(

-I like motivational quotes.

-I think it's absurdly important, when one is busy, to make sure and have some relaxation time. Even if it's just a little bit.

-I think it's awkward to shorten the word "vegitate". How does one spell that? Veg doesn't work, and I think vej is confusing. What's a boy to do?

-Syllabus is a funny word. It sounds like a fun mode of public transportation.

-I wonder if I went to the Mac store and pretended to be debating between a regular macbook and a macbook pro - even though I'm really planning on the macbook pro - they'd throw in a free nano or something just to sway me...

Happy is as Happy does

My third year in Salt Lake has come to an end, and let me say that it's been a ridiculously crazy three years. At the end of it all, though, I am as happy as a clam (which according to a friend is about an 8 on the happiness scale) and perhaps even a little happier. Despite life's best efforts to get me down, things are downright fantastic. I couldn't ask for more than I have. I'm a little wiser than I once was, and I think I'm a better person after it all. And I guess that's what really matters isn't it? So, here's this year's list of what brought me to clam status on the happy scale:

-getting out of school early

-days during the winter when even a jacket is not required

-having big plans

-coloring

-biting into a fresh crunchy apple and having a huge chunk break off

-spur of the moment vacations
-Tally Hall
-traditions
-auditions
-fruitions
-free food
-gift cards
-spring
-pirates
-homemade stuff
-rings
-excellent weather
-bare feet
-applause
-killer parts in awesome shows
-Applebee's half-priced appetizers
-walking around looking at cool architecture in old neighborhoods
-unexpected giddiness
-the symphony
-singing
-wall vinyl
-mismatched Christmas tree ornaments that still mesh well
-flavored lemonade
-shopping carts
-good story tellers
-slippery sheets
-kitchen science
-alphabet books
-children's books
-when it's so hot outside that the tar on the blacktop squishes under my shoes
-MLIA
-pumpkin spice steamers from Starbucks
-when my tarantula Duncan catches a cricket
-nephews
-cardigans
-Glee
-soup
-Estelle
-paper snowflakes
-show people
-chips and salsa
-days off
-snuggies
-the bedazzler
-crazy life-changing decisions
-grammar (don't judge)
-British accents
-Google docs
-mixin' it up
-the ghost of Christmas yet to come
-dance parties
-following your gut
-rehearsal
-J. Crew

Novena

Date Number:

The girl: D.
The connection: My dad's office manager's cousin. Yep. She's wanted to set us up for years, and it just happened to work out this time.
The setting: McDonald's in Richfield. (Don't judge, there aren't many places to go in Richfield)
The plot: This was a quick, getting to know you kind of date. We shared an order of french fries while playing several rounds of speed and chatting. Simple, short, delightful. She's from that area of Utah as well. We know lots of the same people (she's actually met my sister and my sister-in-law), but we've never met. She currently lives in St. George, enjoys reading, and is considering returning to school.
Funny: The fact that there were all of 2 people in McDonald's at the time we went, and it was still like pulling teeth to get someone to take our order or give us ketchup.
Something in common: Aside from growing up in a small town, she also did theatrical things in high school. Always a fun subject to talk about.

Starving Artist

So, you'll note here that one of my goals in life is to be in a movie. And more than just as an extra. To that end, I have acquired an agent. I affectionately call here Estelle in tribute to Joey Tribbiani's agent. She actually reminds me of a mix of Estelle and Dolly Parton. I think she is hugely entertaining.

She sent me to an audition for a hockey referee - which many of you will think is hilarious, as I did - for this film. If nothing else it was a good experience. Plus, the scandalous boyfriend from Charly was there. He was auditioning for the same role as me. I figure that makes me locally famous by association.

There's also a project being filmed right here in Salt Lake City. It's called "Immortality Bites" - a vampire comedy. Last night I was an extra (apparently the new PC term is "background artist", personally I prefer "film parsley") in a frat-house scene. Basically what happened is I waited four hours in a chilly house (people kept coming in and out, so it never got warm) so that I could sit in the background at a table with two Russians for about 20 minutes eating soggy cheerios. Should anyone see the movie, and if the scene makes the final cut, and if you can actually see me, I'm in the kitchen during the beer pong scene eating a bowl of soggy cheerios and practicing my cursive.

So there it is. On the road to stardom. More to come on this subject shortly. Stay tuned. :)