Sunday, November 8, 2009

Chastity, Chocolate, and Cheers

Recall for a moment, if you will, something I posted about a month ago regarding chastity, how much it can sometimes suck, and how un-celebrated - and in fact often mocked - it is.

Enter the 1st Annual Chastity Celebration.

"Congratulations! You did it! (By not doing it.)"

A remedy for the vacuum of virtue. A quenching nectar on the barren plains of purity. A ray of light in the abyss of abstinence. A veritable beacon of hope for the weary soldiers of celibacy.

A bunch of us decided that Chastity really is something worth celebrating, and that we should get some recognition, or at least a piece of cake/commemorative wooden craft for our years of effort in remaining morally clean. And that's just what we did.

Imagine a bunch of twenty-somethings - all virgins (as far as we know) - gathering to have as good a time as possible, and you'll end up with an evening like we had. It went off like a dream. As the initiator of the event, I couldn't have hoped for anything better. There was a table full of delicious creations of every kind (two better-than-sex cakes! - also known as "better than some sex cake," "better than blessings cake," and "better than Tom Cruise cake"), a paper-doll chastity belt design competition, a reflections contest, a white-elephant style gift exchange of immense hilarity (everyone brought a gift representing what chastity meant to them. Seriously, I haven't laughed that hard in quite a while), and a spontaneous code phrase "This is so good!" (Anytime someone said the phrase, we'd all yell "Chastity is my favorite!")

Here are some of the evening's highlights:

The Spread
It's kind of a blurry picture, but you get the idea. This is just one table. On the kitchen counter we also had egg rolls, a chocolate fountain (which didn't work for some reason. Feel free to read irony in to that event somehow), cheese breadsticks, and a veggie tray.

The gifts

There were many other hilarious gifts - Janice Kapp Perry tapes, pants (if you're wearing pants, you'll probably be chaste), a Finding Nemo can (avoid the swimmers) each representing what people thought about chastity. They were so creative and hilarious. These were the ones I got pictures of.

The Chastity Belts

The Chastity Belt Winners
Third Place: Kevin Neff with the VL warrior
Second Place: Charisse Baxter with Chastity Belt Disguise. Underneath is Rosanne Arnold.
First Place: Nate Bohnam with poison oak. Cheap and effective.

Nate with his winning entry, and first prize commemorative wooden craft!


Our theme this first time around was "Chastity is..." We did it old-school reflections style. Just express how you feel about chastity in whatever medium best suits you. We had quite a few entries - pictures, poems, drawings, collages etc. Unfortunately the only one I got a picture of was the winner:

Tara Osborn with "Chastity is...a bitch." And her First place commemorative wooden craft.
Second place was a list of what chastity meant to the author by one Jamie Su'a
Third place - a drawing, on a cell phone, of a woman with hairy legs.

Other favorite entries included:
Melissa Singleton "Chastity is hard. Hard like this rock (insert illustration of a rock). But I rock it."
Charisse Baxter with a Haiku:
Chastity - Just do
It, but not like that. I mean
Just don't do it (yet).

Overall a fantastic night. Thanks to everyone who came and participated. Everyone who couldn't make it - be jealous, and clear the first weekend in November next year.

(we don't get the whole fireworks show, but we can still have sparks!)


Michelle said...

Oh, I am laughing so hard right now. It's things like this that make me love you. So many things I could say about this post, but I'll just leave you with this: I have a friend who calls it Not Until You're Married Cake.

Lindsey said...

What a delightful evening - thanks for planning and hosting, it was quite a success!

Tara said...

What a magical evening!!

Leah said...

HAHAHAH!!! This is the best post EVER. Rosanne Arnold! I almost peed my pants! If there was any doubt before, there is certainly none now: you are a genius! It almost makes me wish I was eligible to attend. Almost.

Ryan & Michelle said...

Oh!! I wish I could have been there. What an awesome party!!