Friday, August 3, 2007

TGIF!

I'm looking in the mirror right now, and because of the way my hair is behaving after 8 hours of sleep and an hour-long workout it makes my head look disproportionately long. Well...that and the fact that I have small shoulders.

I was used as an example today. A good example in fact. It's good to know that I serve as more than a horrible warning for humanity. I sent my boss an email asking for time off and he sent it to everyone in the company as a a good example of how to ask for time off. Warm fuzzies for the day.

It's shark week on the Discovery Chanel. I'm in Oregon. I don't really know what that means, but I'm sure there's something more there than what's on the surface.

My job would be much more entertaining, and I think I'd feel more fulfilled as a person if I could be more helpful to the people who attend our events. This would mostly take place first, in the form of enhanced registration table dialog i.e.:

"I just need you to fill in your phone number and email address, and pull up your pants."
"Go ahead and enter your guest information here, and never wear pink."
"Just grab a couple of brochures and a while you're at it, a gym membership."
"We'll be ready to go in in about 15 minutes, while you're waiting, go ahead and schedule an appointment with your dentist for the soonest available time slot."
"If I could just have you finish filling in this information here and put on a bra."

Not only would my own sense of self-actualization be enhanced, but the world would be a better place thanks to my efforts. Heck I might even be so benevolent as to offer free hair-cuts to those sporting mullets.

There was a lady tonight who is both asthmatic and has some sort of chemical reaction to perfumes. Therefore, she can't sit next to or, really, be in the same vicinity as anyone who has spritzed themselves with cologne or perfume, deodorized their underarms, styled their hair, washed their clothes, brushed their teeth, done the dishes, been through the automatic carwash, or walked past a Bath and Body Works anytime within the last 90 days. To these people I say "Why must you inflict yourselves upon society? Have you no mercy? Can you pitilessly flaunt yourselves about in the quorums of civilization and afflict us with your biological aberrations without scruple or feelings of remorse? I beg you to hide yourselves in the recesses of your domicile! Have pity on us and sequester yourselves away! Your seclusion can be our only savior! "...ok so I may have gone a bit overboard there, but seriously...

Here's a fun game.

I'm surprised how many people give me the dear-in-the-headlights look when I say "We just need a voided check with that." Do they honestly not know what a voided check is? Especially older people - their generation invented checks!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whlie at the outlet mall at Park City today, besides spending way too much on CRAP, I also came up woith a new fashion rule. No one over 40 should be allowed to wear shorts unless said shorts are longer than they are wide. Wish I had the picture to go with this one. Mom and I went to see Mamma Mia tonight. Extremely enjoyable even if the story had to stretch a bit to match the lyrics.

Dad

Tara said...

How Dickensian of you. You must have been reading "David Copperfield"...STILL.

Anonymous said...

HAAAAAA!!!!! :-D

Anonymous said...

greg, you make me laugh.

Leah said...

Their generation also invented being super paranoid the EVERYONE is out to steal your identity, even if said identity is less valuable than that book of free checks.